Being in love! People throw the word “love” around a little too easily. Love is a profound emotion. The “love” word should not be used frivolously or superficially.
Love means admiration, a bond, respect, awe, affection, approval, attachment and valuing. You can only know that after at least a year of dating, not beforehand. You may be mistaken, thinking that’s how you feel in a few months; but it’s not true because these are just your emotions speaking.
To Worried in San Carlos: Morality is not a rule system of the constipated, which unfortunately is what too many people believe. Morality is a means by which human beings rise above the rest of the animal kingdom … with symbols and special actions like marriage and commitment.
If morality and what your parents think about you, are not “that” important to you, then you shouldn’t be worrying. Since you are worrying about it, it must mean something to you. Listen to your reasoning and not to your feelings.
Don’t be in a hurry to date after a break up. Dating too many people in short periods of time will also make you experience intense break ups, intense sex and intense everything. If you insist on dating too soon, you are going to get crass and cynical about men, love and commitment. That’s why this intense type of dating is a mistake.
Until one has the maturity to know who they are, it is better to wait instead of making a hasty decision to start dating before one is ready in order to find out what one really needs and wants. The number one reason that people get afraid of what that new person might do or not do is because they don’t believe they are strong enough to survive pain.
Why do things before you are ready? Women who date frequently, or shortly after a break up, are simply not ready. Why do they do it? Because they want to feel like they’re in love. They don’t want to feel alone. Some women even tend to measure themselves by if some guy loves them; and THAT is a bad mistake.
Do not worry about the people in your past, there is a reason they didn’t make it to your future. Hope your week end is off to a great start!
This is not the Taliban. In this country, we can actually pick who we want to be with. The purpose of dating is to determine and learn something about the other person.
Dating it is to discern whether or not the person you picked has the qualities that will bring peace, happiness, joy and love in your life. Once you start to date a man, sit back and observe. Learn about him. Listen to what he’s saying. DO NOT try to change him into something that he isn’t.
If there is something that you don’t like about him or you don’t like some of his ideals, believe me, it’s not going to get any easier.
Once the romance is gone, what you did not like about him is going to annoy you to no end. Let him go and move on to someone else who will best describe what you are looking for in a mate. Good Luck on your search!
“Not feeling like it in Los Gatos” told me she “didn’t feel like” making love all the times her husband wants it. Well, how happy do you think a man is with his woman who won’t make love to her man but will have sex whenever she feels like it?
Not very happy!! Making love means one wants to make the other person happy. Having sex is something you can do with a stranger (you just met) if you “feel” like it. Making love is something you do to give another person pleasure, to express your passion, your love and affection for them, whether you feel like it or not. We don’t do things for somebody we care about just because we feel like it, we do it out of love, consideration, affection and appreciation.
To “Bewildered in Hollister”: There is no Sexual Addiction. There is screwing around because it makes one feel good and feel powerful. It is a bad behavior that becomes a pattern because one likes the high! There is no excuse for this kind of behavior. NO EXCUSES.
When he tells you he stopped the behavior, but you find out he is still doing it, his response to your question is always the same: “I fell off the wagon” and “it’s not my fault”. That shows intent – he doesn’t want to stop, and lack of maturity – he takes no responsibilities for his actions.
Does it hurt that he would rather watch porn or stare at the computer screen instead of making love to you? But of course, that’s why you need to pack up and leave immediately. Trying to make it work is a futile exercise. You are not his shrink and he should not put the onus on you to help him get through this.
Read this very carefully: I don’t care what he says to make you stay. DO NOT stay. Otherwise, seven years into this, and three children later, you will be in the same spot; however, by then, you will have no right to complain or leave the marriage and destroy your children’s home because you designed their lives this way. This is not a man committed to you, he doesn’t love you. He loves his porn more.
Love doesn’t hurt. Love is the most respectful. If it hurts, mentally or physically, you are in the wrong place. Please be good to yourself and muster the courage to leave. Good luck!
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