Yesterday, I had a discussion with a friend because she gave her boyfriend, a dressing down in front of me (awwwwkward) on how she makes soooooo much more money than he does and for him to button his lips because he is living in HER house. Ouch! The discussion became heated after I told her (in private) that what she was doing was WRONG. She has a habit of either paying half for dates or paying for dates altogether, including trips, event tickets, etc.. When in a relationship, she bends backward trying to help her boyfriends with job searches, find them jobs, pay for most of their dates, buying them nice gifts, etc. She may even be with a particular boyfriend for months and sometimes for years but in the end, the boyfriends always leave or she breaks up with them after they fail to meet her expectations.

Here it is: in general, it’s better for women to behave the old fashioned way while the courtship is ongoing because in the end, being traditional, works. What men don’t have to work hard for, they don’t value and the awful truth is, that when a woman pays in the beginning of the courtship, she sets the tone for the rest of the relationship, she’ll become his mother.

Case in point, a few years back I encountered many women in my practice that had high level jobs, were very powerful in their careers, and during the courtship with their men, behaved like my dear friend: paying for dates, gifts, moving them in their homes, trying to get their men in better jobs or if they met a man who were out of a job, they would be hard pressed to find jobs for their men. Consequently, the ladies who ended up marrying that kind of men (who made less money than they did), had the power in the relationship and they used it.

After a few years and a few kids later, they started getting angry at what they had picked. They were angry because “he gets to stay home and I have to go to work..” “I want to stay home with my babies, not him.” “He has no ambition”, “he lost his job and can’t find another one” and so on. If the guy didn’t leave them first, the men who stayed, no matter what they did to appease their women, to make it better, their women never respected their men.

On top of that, the women became bitchy, hurtful, pouty, demanding, angry and punitive towards their men. It’s not fair to be with someone, maybe get married to that person, maybe moving that person into your home, maybe make some kids, and then later on decide that you don’t like the trade off.  It’s not fair because you knew the truth going in. When people make trade-offs that they don’t intend to keep, that’s when they get destructive.

Ladies, remember that being traditional in some ways work. I ask myself, what kind of woman would feel better knowing that a men is with her for what material things she can provide? How about the men? What kind of man, stays with a woman for what she can provide him? Not a man, a woman will end up respecting in the long run because the reversal roles will get old.