Insecure people are so annoying!

I had a conversation with a dear friend who is in a relationship with a man who is so insecure that she has to be very careful about what she says. Her guy is so insecure that she constantly needs to tell him how wonderful, how great, how handsome, how sexy, how whatever-grand-thing he is.  She also has to re-assure him every day, several times a day that she loves him and that she’s not looking at other men “that way”. She said she was tired of the efforts she was doing to help him to no avail, she didn’t know what else to do and if I had any advice for her, she was willing to listen.

How annoying! Insecure people are very annoying and controlling. If you allow them, they will torture you with their constant neediness. I give her points for patience, someone with less patience would have hit the eject button a while ago if talking to him didn’t change anything.

I told her if she is lovely, sweet, kind, caring and does not give her beloved any reason for him to believe that she cannot be trusted, she needs to be blunt and kindly tell him that his insecurity is annoying and it makes her be interested and dream about other men who is not insecure, annoying and controlling. It’s important for Mr. Needy to know that all this insecurity is about him and not her.  If he cannot stop the offending behavior, my friend needs to let him go because he needs to be alone and seek some kind of outside assistance to help him become stronger and overcome all that insecurity (read anxiety). She’s not a Psychotherapist, she can’t help him.

We can’t burden our beloved with our psychological shortcomings, it is NOT his/her job to fix us, WE have the responsibility to bring our most healthy self to a new relationship and when both people do that, the relationship will have a better chance to grow healthy and happy.

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