Affairs …. sometimes we can’t undo what we’ve done!

Rights Reserved to Cleo Malaysia via Flickr*Claudia broke off a 3 year old affair with a married co-worker when her husband of 25 years found out. Even though her husband was a hard worker and is sweet, kind, and generous, she said she had an affair because he worked long hours. Even when he was at home, he didn’t make time for her. He would still work more hours. On the weekends it was the same routine: more work. Claudia was lonely and sad.

It has now been 6 months since she broke off the affair; but she still has feelings for the married co-worker, who has since then reconciled with his wife. Claudia, on the other hand, made a conscious decision to stay in her marriage; and for the past two months, at her husband’s request, she has been attending counseling sessions with heim in an effort to put their marriage back together.  Her husband decided that he wouldn’t work as much; he’d change his habits and do whatever needed to be done. Claudia feels too much time has passed and doesn’t believe she can get the feelings back. She wants to know how to break the news to her husband that she still has feelings for the other guy and no longer wants to stay in the marriage.

Answer:

Basically, Claudia, you are only in counseling because he asked and not because you truly want to be. You are simply going through the motions in order to say that you tried but in reality you want to unload him. I think you should not throw away a 25 year marriage just because you’re no longer  “feeling it.” I think before you blast him off, you could give it another go. Then, if you would like to save your marriage, you are going to have to ignore your feelings for your stallion (remember that he has moved on) and behave towards your husband like you still love him. Usually feelings follow behaviors. If you act lovingly, sweetly, and kindly towards him and treat him as if you’re in love just like when you first met him, the loving feelings will follow. However, if you still decide that you don’t want to be with him, then be kind to him. In one of your counseling sessions, with the help of the therapist, tell him you want to terminate your marriage.

Make sure that’s what you want and that you won’t feel regret later. If you follow my blog, you probably read about a few ladies ladies in the same situation as yours and they decided that they no longer wanted to be married. Well, after their divorces, they found out that life alone in singleton wasn’t what it was cracked up to be and were trying to win their nice husbands back. Unfortunately, their husbands had already moved on to someone else and didn’t want anything to do with them. Think carefully, like their situation, your husband is a nice guy and he still wants you even though you breached his trust. Sometimes we can’t undo what we have already done.

*names has been changed for privacy reasons

 

 

 

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