Am I a liar? Or simply overly-sensitive?

This reader needs help but can’t ask his friends because he doesn’t want to paint his beloved in a bad light. Many times when he and his wife make an agreement or he tells her something, he later finds that she denies ever having any knowledge of it because he didn’t tell her. For instance, if they agree to go out to dinner in two weeks, the night before he mentions that he’s excited for their upcoming date (after clearing his schedule or working around the designated night), she will deny that they made plans and say that he didn’t tell her.

When he tries to gently remind her that she did agree to it, she will confidently reply, “No, you didn’t tell me that.” This has happened so frequently that, afraid he was losing his mind (or worse, that he was accusing his wife of forgetting when perhaps he was the forgetful one), he started taking special notes of what they agreed by either writing it down or secretly recording her so that he was absolutely certain that he was not accusing her of anything.

Well, now that he knows for sure that he has told her something when she denies it, the relationship is becoming strained. He will remind her of previous agreements when they make them and again, she will deny it, saying, “No, you never told me that”. If he insists that he told her, she’ll become upset, defensive and angry, cutting him off when he tries to talk to her and loudly denying he told her anything.

He’s very upset because he says he’s an honorable man and his word means something. Her insistence in saying that he didn’t say things when he knows he said it, is driving him crazy and away from her. He’s wondering if there is a reason to stay with a woman who, when all is said and done, basically deems him a liar. She may not have said the words that he IS a liar, but when she denies that he told her something, insists that he is wrong, gets defensive when she’s caught, she is basically calling him a liar. Taking notes and recording her is taking a considerate amount of effort and energy on his part and he’s tired of having the same conversation. He asked me: “Am I making a mountain out of a molehill here? Am I being overly sensitive about this? Is this not a big deal?” He asked for an outsider perspective before making a tough decision about his life.

So, my readers, I know what I will tell him but before I do that, I emailed him saying that I will not only offer my personal perspective, but I will ask my readers to weigh in and give us their perspective as well and see what percentage will agree or disagree with his assessment. Readers help this guy out and let us know:

What is your perspective? Is he being hyper sensitive about this? Does he have a point in thinking his wife is calling him a liar?

If you want to answer anonymously, simply email me at ask_cristina@cristinarobinson.com or go to my Facebook page and let us have it. Thank you for your help. I will publish my answer to him and yours on Friday’s blog.

 

 

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