Being grateful to be in a nice relationship with someone who gives a damn.

*Carl, from Russian Hill, wrote me to tell me that he’s on the dating scene trying to find the perfect girl to date. At the moment he’s going out with three girls; but there is one that he has been seeing for two months. He likes *Maddie the most. He has a nice relationship with her and he could see himself dating just her; however, he has some misgivings. He’s confused and thinks that maybe there is someone else out there that’s better for him and he wants to continue looking. He wants to know what I think he should do.

I live in a city that is very tough to find quality love relationships in. Some people find them; but most are still wandering around looking for that perfect mate, for years, that never shows up. Look at this guy. He found *Maddie and he likes her. He sees himself with her in the future. So, instead of acting mature and investing his full attention on the relationship he has with her, because it could develop into something great, he denies himself the chance by having “misgivings” and thinking that someone better may come along around the bend. While he’s waiting for that “special someone,” he’s busy enjoying these three ladies’ company and the sex he has with all of them – yes, he told me that as well. Damn shame.

Most people who are in a nice relationship are grateful to have that for their whole life rather than being alone and being stressed out trying to find somebody. People who are in a nice relationship look at people like Carl and think “that’s got to be a tough way to go through life.” But people like Carl don’t see it that way. He’s having fun. He doesn’t know any better.

He doesn’t know that it’s wonderful to have that special someone who cares if you live or die; who cares that you got home ok; who cares that you didn’t have a good day today. How many people do you think you’re going to find who care like that? You can find a lot people to go drinking with, to go party with, to have sex with and to go on dates with, but does that mean they care if you live or die? Does that mean they want to rejoice in the things that make you happy or mourn with you on the losses we have to deal with in life? That’s hard to find. You can always have fun, but you can’t always have somebody caring that much for you.

I understand that the atmosphere we live in is one that doesn’t value people very much. People who go on too many dates looking for the constant high of the “newness,” trivializing sex in the process, and who have the attitude of “this is good for now, let’s move on” or “there must be something better, must be something more exciting” have become the norm. The truth is, in some aspects of your life you don’t want to be that excited. You want to be secure, comfortable and safe. When you start dating somebody, do you feel safe? Do you feel cared about? No, you don’t. Sometimes you feel a tremendous amount of anxiety, if it’s going to work out or not; but finding somebody who cares, who will commit their life to you, is a blessing.

If you find a person like that, then you’re lucky. People who are in good relationships don’t have misgivings. They’re just grateful to have someone special. If you are in a good relationship, or if you think you found one, be sure to keep the appreciation up. That’s what it’s all about. You’re lucky if you find your other half who gives a damn.

*personal names have been changed to protect his/her privacy


  1. Thanks for spending time on the computer (wriitng) so others don’t have to.

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