Bring back JUDGE! SHAME! and SHUN!

Since Woody Allen’s daughter Dylan has written an open letter to The New York Times confirming that he did assault her at age 7, I thought it would be appropriate to rerun this column I wrote back in 2012. That’s how evil continues to be perpetrated, because people don’t stand up for what’s right. In order to understand what I’m trying to say, it’s helpful if this blog post is read in its entirety and not just in parts.


Bring back JUDGE! SHAME! and SHUN!

That’s correct, you read it right. I said it!! Last week, an acquaintance called to ask if I would be willing to meet at the last minute with five of her friends to give them a lecture about dating relationships. I agreed and we met at one of her friends’ apartments in Emeryville.

I worked for three hours, and at the end we all decided to go to the theatre and watch a movie. On the way there, they changed their minds and decided that they wanted to watch a different film than what we had originally agreed on: Woody Allen’s To Rome, With Love. I didn’t want to pay to see a film made by a child molester no matter how good it was supposed to be. I told them I would pass and told them the reason why I would opt out of this one. That’s when things turned ugly. Three of them immediately jumped on me and told me to stop being so judgmental—who was I to judge? They told me not to be a hater and learn to love everybody.

Who was I to judge? Love everybody? If I didn’t know better, I would think these women were on crack. I’m not a hater. I’m quite sweet to the people I love and like; but this guy is a pedophile who betrayed his woman and the mother of his children in the most despicable way. Mia Farrow discovered Woody’s affair with her daughter when she found nude pictures taken by him, of her then teenage daughter, with whom he had a paternal relationship. Shame on him!  His excuse to prey on a teenage girl 35 years younger than him was, “the heart wants what it wants”. What a scumbag. I will not pay to watch his films EVER, I wouldn’t give him the sweat off my balls, if I had any. I have a daughter, and it simply enrages me to think that someone could have done that to her when she was a teenager.

When people excuse this behavior, it makes them just as culpable, because they are too spineless to say anything about it under the guise of “being nice.” They are not “being nice,” they are being weak for not standing up for what’s right.

In my view, this is what’s wrong with the American society today. People don’t use their brains. Instead, they use this “you have to love everybody,” “who are you to judge” horse manure. We make judgments everyday on whom we become friends with, which would be the better job for us, what kind of men we date, what risks to take or not to take, etc. When society behaves in an “everything-goes-don’t judge” or “let-everybody-do-their-own-thing” even if it’s evil, it crumbles. If we don’t make judgments, that’s when the young, the weak, and the vulnerable suffer; I believe all of us as a society have an obligation to protect each other; and by not using our judgment, we are failing each other miserably.

Let me be clear about one thing though: I am not talking about judging someone based on a lifestyle choice that hurts no one else. I’m not talking about judging someone who is gay, bisexual, or transgender. They don’t judge me because I’m straight, so why would I judge them because they’re not? I’m not talking about people who sleep around. I’m not talking about a prostitute or escort who sell his or her goods to any John or Jane who’s willing to buy. It’s their bodies; and as far as I’m concerned, they should be able to use it, offer it, sell it, enjoy it, and basically do whatever they want with it. That’s nobody’s business but their own. I’m not talking about people’s personal decisions about their lives, that’s between them and their God, if they have one.

I believe in judging, shaming, and shunning deserving people who do society wrong; people who take advantage of the weak and vulnerable. Especially kids. Am I not supposed to judge my former friend who was dating a man with two children and a pregnant wife? We all knew she was wasting her time with a married man (but that was her time and her problem); but the epitome of cruelty was when she told me that after having an affair with this man for one year, she decided that she was in love with him and was going to let the wife know in order to force his hand and make him leave his wife. I asked her not to do that because it would destroy the wife and his children’s lives. My former friend called me later from Kentucky to tell me that after she told the wife about her husband’s affair, her lover’s wife had given birth prematurely that same evening; and later on, upon returning home and leaving the baby in the hospital, she killed herself. She said she was sorry.


I shamed her and I shunned her. I don’t want to be friends with someone who caused the misery of another human being. And I told her that, too. She said I lacked compassion. That’s right. I lacked compassion for HER. My compassion lied with the children who were left motherless and not with this woman who, for selfish reasons, did what she did because she wanted a man who was not even worth having.

Now, are we not supposed to JUDGE Roman Polanski, who drugged and gave alcohol to a 13-year-old CHILD so he could rape and sodomize her? A vulnerable child! Some Hollywood types said “it was in the past,” “he’s a brilliant director”. SHAME on these people who didn’t judge him and conveniently forgot that he hurt a child just because “he is a brilliant director” and that is supposed to trump being a decent human being? Not in my eyes. He wasn’t even man enough to stay and face the consequences. He fled like the rat that he is. I wonder how would he react if the same thing happened to the young daughter he has now.

Are we not supposed to JUDGE the Texan mother who left her 6-week-old baby in the car to fry his brains out? She was on her way out of the house and was supposed to drop the baby off at the day care center. A business call distracted her and she drove straight to work, got her briefcase out of the car and her BLACKBERRY, but didn’t realize the baby was still strapped to the car seat. Really? That’s how important her human baby was to her. In one of the hottest day in Dallas, she left her baby there to fry his tiny little brain – painfully and slowly. When it hit the newspapers, some people were saying that she should not go to jail because she was suffering enough already and that we should not judge her, but have compassion. That word again: compassion. How? Please, someone, explain how she was suffering. Compassion? I think that baby whose little brain fried very slowly and painfully in the car suffered a whole lot more; and he, the victim, is the one deserving of compassion here. Compassion for her is totally misplaced. How do you forget a human being (that came out of your body) in the car? She should go to jail and pay for what she’s done.

If we are supposed to love everybody and not judge anybody when they do wrong, then there are no lines drawn for what’s wrong or right; therefore we can’t judge Hitler – who ordered the genocide of millions. We can’t judge Ted Bundy – a necrophile- who killed, tortured, and raped more than 30 women and girls. We can’t judge the Menendez brothers  – who both killed their parents in order to get to their money faster. Talk about having a sense of entitlement! Both brothers found killer groupies with no judgment whatsoever; who thought it was a great idea to marry convicted murderers while they were in prison and would never get out. Lucky brides! At least they won’t have to worry about being asleep and be awaken with the barrel of a shot gun closer to their nose, like the fate their husbands’ parents suffered.

We can’t judge Jerry Sandusky either – a pedophile and convicted child rapist – who was protected by people who had a vested interest in maintaining the status quo. They didn’t want to judge him and thought it was a good idea to just “chat” about it with him. Their good idea hurt many children who will be adults, scarred for life. Lastly, let’s not judge Ricardo “Richard” Ramirez – the night stalker/serial killer, who terrorized, assaulted, beat, maimed, and robbed several people in California. Before his trial, a serial killer groupie, who has no judgment whatsoever, started writing dozens of letters to Ramirez; and in 1996 she happily married him in San Quentin prison. This groupie believed Ramirez is innocent of all the crimes he had been convicted of and has vowed that the day her husband is executed, she’ll commit suicide. Peachy!!

I have a daughter and I’m no longer a fan of Woody Allen. If I ever saw him, I would spit on his shoe. I would look at him with total and utter disgust. I also have a son, and if a Sandusky-type damaged my boy like Sandusky did to those young boys, I would have loved to be able to pull his fingernails off with pliers… one by one.

So, to all the bleeding hearts out there, who think nobody should be judged, please save it. Don’t tell me not to judge. I will. Not everybody is nice; and when I see that people have done evil, as a person who has a conscience, I will not be embarrassed or ashamed to judge, shame, and shun.


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  2. You made my day! Thank you so much.

  3. You stated it wonderfully. Personal accountability should matter; holding people accountable (especially for vicious / evil actions) should matter. Moral standards necessitate social condemnation. What does it say when we “turn the other cheek” to the ones who willfully hurt others while simultaneously leaving the actual victims to suffer even more? It says, no matter how bad you are, you will get sympathy; no matter how victimized you are, you will be left to fend for yourself – you will be abandoned again. This social blindness (I have no other word for it) merely serves to encourage the bad behavior (why not do it? the person will get sympathy!); and it serves to discourage victims from coming forward (why do it? it’s a repeated victimization!). And, as you noted, it is tough to stand for what is right in a situation like this. The person willing to stand up for what is right becomes judged themselves and hated for not having “compassion.” The moral compass has gotten mangled somewhere along the way …..

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