Can someone with a bad temper be “a great catch”?

*Lola from Napa is asking if she should get back with her fiancé. They have been dating for 16 months now; but in between they have broken up and gotten back together 4 times. This time, however, she is uneasy to get back with him. He comes from a great family, is religious like her, and has compatible morals and values. He’s got a great heart but with a temper to match. He has made many promises in the past that he would be better and he would try to put a lid on his temperament. But to no avail. When he loses his temper, it’s scary; and when they fight, he fights dirty, becoming insulting and demeaning. Lola’s words are, “Overall, he is a great guy, a great catch; but his bad temper makes me a bit uneasy.”

Answer: Just a bit uneasy, huh? I think when our guts are trying to tell us something we should listen to them and not try to rationalize. When we rationalize, we get into trouble. Things happen in life all the time. When you marry someone, and as you go through life together, some years can become a bit more stressful than others. Then if kids come into the mix, life may get better and at the same time it may get harder. When you are with someone who has a bad temper, it is going to make dealing with life a whole lot harder then it should be. It won’t matter that your fiancé has a great family, that you both have the same morals and values, or that you both attend the same church. Nothing will matter. The point I am trying to make is that life won’t be very pleasant at all.

I think any woman considering getting married should give a huge consideration to her fiancé’s temperament. If he gets angry very easily before marriage, after marriage is going to be worse. I don’t care about the promises he made saying, “I’ll change. I’ll get better.” If, by the third time that he promises, the offending behavior hasn’t stopped, it’s not going to stop anytime soon because the effort is not there. So, my dear Lola, listen to your intuition and leave him where he is right now, an ex-fiancé. Make sure you have given his ring back – if he ever gave you one. Then go find yourself a mature man who has control over his emotions and not a little boy who loses his temper a little too easily. A woman has a greater responsibility to choose well when looking for her life partner than to be with a man who scares her or makes her uneasy. It’s not a good choice.

 

 

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