*Martin lost his high profile job 14 months ago and has been unable to find another one. Meanwhile, his wife has gone back to work and has been shouldering the financial responsibilities for their household and Martin stays home to care for their 8 year old boy.
For the past seven months Martin’s wife has started working late and going to the office on the weekends. When she is not working late, and instead of coming home, she goes out for drinks with her co-workers. Martin says she has become distant to the point of being cold and she finds any excuse not to be intimate. She is not spending as much time with their son; and when Martin wants to do something as a family, she finds an excuse not to come along or asks him to do something else while she goes out with their son.
Martin has asked her four times if she is seeing someone else and she said, “No.” Recently, they had a huge argument. In a fit of anger, he asked her why doesn’t she just leave since she seems so unhappy at home. She simply told Martin that she would go if he wanted, and she would leave their child with him because she didn’t want to separate them.
Martin wrote “…. what can I say to her so she won’t leave? I don’t want to lose my wife.”
The problem here is that some women, who become financially responsible for the family because their husbands are not working, have a tendency to look down on their husbands and don’t respect them as much. Do you really believe that she doesn’t have someone else? What kind of mother would abandon her 8 year old boy with the father? I believe only a woman who already has someone else waiting for her in the wings would abandon her child like that.
All the red flags are there: lack of intimacy, avoiding being home, willingness to leave her boy behind, and simply being so ready to leave. You need to tell her that you will get an attorney ASAP to protect yourself, the home, the birds, the cats, the boy, the cars, the bicycles, and whatever. Tell her you will ask for spousal and child support. Make it very ugly in order for her to see how serious you are. Perhaps that will change her mind and she will think twice before packing her bags to leave. Hopefully, that will be enough incentive for her to think about her marriage in a more serious manner and she’ll try to save it. If she insists that she wants to leave, then get a lawyer, hand her a toothbrush, and show her the door. Good luck. I hope she comes to her senses.
*Name has been changed for privacy