How to discern the man who wants to play from the one who wants to commit to something more serious?

Disappointed Again in Corte Madera asked me how she can determine if the men she goes out on dates are dating for marriage or for fun. For the past year she has been involved with three men and none of them wanted a serious relationship. It has always been about “fun” for the guys.

Very easily DA, when you go on dates, right on the first date, playfully, using humor, you open your mouth and say it very clear “I’m not dating so I can have someone to go out with, I have girlfriends for that. I am dating to settled down, with marriage in mind. I’m not saying you are it but I can tell you that I do not do hooking up. Men looking for a hook up, will not find it here”, then smile gracefully and see what he says. Also, worth mentioning during drinks is that “you only sleep with boyfriends, fiancés and husbands”, that will put him on notice that you are not a “good time” girl.

Continue to be polite, cute and adorable during the date, nothing too heavy and at the end of the date, go home … ALONE! You will have your answer in a few days if your date is a “good time Charlie” or if he’s actually looking for a keeper-kind-of-girl. And stick to it, if you hold yourself in high regard, men will do too.

You also told me you slept with all of them. That’s bad for “business” if your intention is to get married. Clearly theirs wasn’t. The truth is, what real men don’t work hard for, they don’t value. You don’t sleep with a guy if he hasn’t given you commitment and acknowledgment as his “woman/girlfriend” unless you’re horny and all you want is to have fun which is fine by me, if that’s your intentions. I personally would rather satisfy my own urges …. you know what I mean? It’s essential, it’s like having my own car, I don’t have to rely on others to go where I want to go and have fun, besides it’s much safer, I’m on the driver seat.

You see, even though men say out loud that they don’t mind that the women sleep around, privately, I was told otherwise, one man said it best “Feminism was the best thing that ever happened to men. Today we can have all the sex we want with them, without having to commit to them”. I was livid when I heard that but I had no argument. Being readily available to have sex at anytime, have made men crass about women, they don’t value us as much, they no longer put us on a pedestal because we made it too easy for them, by being easily accessible for them when they want to “play”.

There are wonderful men out there and you will find the one who’s going to be the love of your life if you become smarter in weeding out the “players” from the true gems. Patience is a must and I promise you if you explain right in the beginning your intentions, the ones who are serious will call you back and the ones who are not serious, won’t because they will have other women who will be much easier for them to have fun with.

For your friends who will tell you “if you make your intentions about marriage known right in the beginning, you may scary off a guy who may be interested” – WRONG! I’ll tell you this: a man who is interested will not run away because you gave him information. If he is scared and will not call you back because he may think that you are “too intense”, I’ll say, pray he doesn’t ever call you because you need a man who’s made of sturdier stuff, one who can handle life not a spineless wimp. Good luck!!

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