Does your man fear commitment?

I’ve received a few e-mails from men talking about their fear of commitment. However, one particular guy (Troy from Burlingame) got my attention. So, we exchanged a few e-mails. He told me he had dated these great girls and they all wanted to marry him (really?) but he always found something wrong with them that made him break up with them. I have seen this movie before.

What is fear of commitment? I know fear of an Earthquake, a tornado, a bad car accident, a grizzly bear, and a hungry lion because I know what could happen to me if one of them got a hold of me. I would either be dead but if alive, messed up a bit.  Now, what can commitment do to you?

When I ask those “commitment-phobic” people what does that mean, usually they say they don’t know (meaning they are refusing to think) and when I press them further for an answer, the most common answer I get is: “I’m afraid if I am intimate with somebody, it will leave me vulnerable to being hurt if they decide they don’t like me.” And Troy didn’t disappoint me. He wrote me almost the same thing.

It’s all about him and how he feels. He wants guarantees that they won’t dump him even though he has dumped girls in the past. We all have broken up with people before and we’ve hurt them. They didn’t die. They were able to get on with life, eventually. So, it is survivable. So, if you fear commitment, you have to do what we all do, that is, take the risk. The less badly you behave, the less likely you will be dumped.

When Troy says that he finds something wrong with the great girls he dates, I can tell that there is something wrong with each and every one of them. There is something wrong with each and every one of us as well. That’s why when we get married and when we say for better or for worse, we understand that it’s not going to be perfect; but if each person gets up in the morning and spends their time figuring out how to make the other person happy and glad that they’re married to you, you should have a lovely life. If we choose our mate wisely and treat them lovingly, we’ll ensure that we’ll be together for many happy years.

My experience with men who fear commitment is that everything they say is to keep themselves in one place. They argue with everything I say so they can keep themselves in one place. If you are one of these commitment-phobic, I suggest you stop dating. You have no right to go out there and hurt people knowing in advance that you know you will hurt them on PURPOSE; intentionally; predictably. You have no right to do that. Until you’re willing to be a loving person, don’t date.

Unless you’re ready to give, to love, to have compassion and to be thoughtful of other people’s feelings, don’t date. It’s not fair, it hurts people and you have no right to do that.

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