Drunken philanderer = Brokenheart

*Shawna is in a hurry. She asked for an answer ASAP because her nuptials are coming down the wire, she needs help, and she needs it now. She is 38 and her boyfriend is 43. They have been living together for the past 10 years. Six months ago they got engaged and now plan to marry in a few days on January first, 2013. She is having seconds thoughts. In the past, there have been infidelities (3 different women) on his part and he drinks excessively. To top it off, she just found out one week ago that he slept with his ex-girlfriend when she was in town. When Shawna confronted him, he begged for forgiveness. He said he wasn’t in control of his own mind, he drank too much, and things just happened. He said he was very sorry and would never do that again. He asked for a last chance, told her he loves her, and promised he’d stop drinking, too. He would do anything she wanted in order to keep her. He has quit drinking in the past and only to take it up again. She wants to know what can she do to forgive and forget. She has done that in the past, but she is finding it harder to forgive and forget this time. She’s heartbroken.

Answer: it’s 9am and reading Shawna’s questions make me think I need a drink. Make that a stiff one, please. And I don’t even drink. I’m sitting here asking myself why a woman who is supposed to be smart, rational, and reasonable would keep this poor excuse of a man around. He’s a boy. Shawna wants to keep him around, otherwise she wouldn’t even be questioning herself.

Here it is, Ms. Shawna: you have already wasted your prime youthful years with this guy. Why you would still want to invest more time and energy, I don’t understand. The guy is a drunk, a liar, and a philanderer who doesn’t care about you. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll burn your wedding dress and put the kibosh on the wedding preparations. Then, if you can, pack his garbage and put it out by the front door. If you can’t, rent a U-Haul truck while he’s out of the house, fill it up with your belongings, leave, and don’t look back.

Screw being embarrassed in front of friends and family. Be damned the money you have invested in this. In the long run, it’s going be well worth it. However, if you want to keep the fantasy going in order to say that you have a “man,” you can do that, too; but it is not going to end up well. In a few years, if not short months, you will be back here in the same spot you find yourself now. Please, gather the strength to let this one go. It’s not going to end up well, especially if you bring little human beings into the mess your life is going to be.


*Name has changed to protect her privacy


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