Dumped by the one you love when you need the most!

Harry sent me a looong e-mail and I’m still thinking about this poor guy. The shorter version: Harry in Fairfield married his high school sweetheart two years after high school. Sex was hot and heavy for the first 4 years, then the sex became sporadic – once every two weeks, once a month, once every six months until finally no sex at all and with a lot of begging in between on his part. She was mean spirited, belittled him but he always tried to keep the peace by swallowing whatever she threw at him. They agreed to have a family when they married but she changed up her mind after a few years. He kept on trying to make things better, they went to couples counseling and it came out on one of the sessions that she was never in love with him. She thought he would make a good husband so she gave it a try. That was the end of the counseling sessions.

He persisted in the marriage because he loved her and he thought he could change her to be a better person. When he turned 33 years old he was diagnosed with a debilitating disease, she finally moved out of the bedroom and a couple months later, out of his life for good. She said she could not live with him with the disease and filed for divorce. Fast forward eight years later, she has no place to live, is out of a job and has been harassing him, telling him she made a mistake, she loves him and wants to move back home and take care of him. Harry is conflicted because even all this time, after all the horse manure she put him through, he still loves her but he’s afraid to take her back because she never treated him right. He’s been praying and thinking a bit hard because for the past few years he has employed a lady nurse who takes good care of him and his needs. Harry asked me: should he take her back?

Well, since you asked me, then I shall give you an answer: NOOOOOOO!!!!!

Read it here folks: I don’t care how much you think you love someone when the person did or constantly said awful, hurtful things to you, that’s not love, it’s sickness. How can you love someone who constantly belittles you, is mean and worse yet, abandons you when you need that person the most? We truly fall in love with someone when they do lovely things for us, put themselves out for us, respects us, they constantly think what can they do to make our lives lovely. That’s falling in love with a person of quality, anything else is desperation, not wanting to be alone.

Back to Harry: you really need to drop the “knight in shinning armor” complex. You can’t save her, you can’t change her either. Do not take her calls anymore, she’s stressing you out and you don’t need that. Change your phone number if you must, or if you don’t want to do that, next time she calls, tell her if she ever contacts you again, you will file a restraining order against her and stand your ground. My crystal ball is broken but if you take your whacked out ex-wife back, she’ll move in, then in one week she may decide that she doesn’t like to take care of you anymore and instead of a loving wife, you will have a she-devil in your hands. She may go back to being mean again and will make your life a living hell, then you will be dead sooner than later.

I am not being dramatic here, people’s character don’t change and if she was mean, selfish and cruel while you were with her for 16 years, she is not changing now. I would not take a chance that she has changed and her persistence, not respecting your wishes to be left alone, tells me that she hasn’t change one bit, she wants what she wants, and she’s willing to brow beat you to get it. All your praying won’t change who she is. Your life, your call but were I you, I would keep your nurse maid that you have right now, at least you’re happy with her and she treats you as if you are somebody. I wish you well.



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