Involvement with a criminal leads to nowhere

*Megan met her fiancé 3 ½ years ago while on vacation overseas. They had a long distance relationship until he moved to the US about 23 months ago. When he moved to Santa Cruz to be with her, Megan supported him financially. She did everything in her power to make him feel at home and to feel comfortable in his new surroundings. She did whatever she could to help him adjust to his new life and be independent. Megan is very successful, has done very well financially for herself, and has an important job at a huge company in San Jose. After almost a year without working, Megan told her fiancé he had to get a job. Then through her connections she found him a job at the standing store at her company’s headquarters.

He was working at the store not even three months when he was caught stealing money. The manager called Megan aside and told her what happened. Megan used her connection, again, to get her fiancé off the hook with just a warning. She paid the money back and he remained working at the store without handling money. Megan explained to him that he could not afford to behave that way anymore because if he got caught stealing, again, she could suffer serious repercussions as well as he. Six months after the first trouble, he was caught on the spot “re-routing” large amounts of some very expensive merchandise. Basically, he was stealing again. Megan wrote me saying she was devastated by this whole situation. She’s now in a very awkward position at work and terribly embarrassed. He was fired on the spot and taken to jail. She hired an expensive attorney and was told if he was convicted, he would certainly be deported back to where he came from.  She’s heart broken and would like to know if she should move to his country to be with him upon his suggestion? Should she continue with the long distance relationship? She said: “I’m a mess. Please help. What else can I do to help him?”

Answer: Help him? Don’t help him; help yourself by letting him go. Let him have his due process if he doesn’t skip justice first. If he gets convicted, let him be deported. It may be the best thing that happens to you since you seem to be paralyzed and unable to make a rational decision. I wonder what the attraction is that you see on a guy, who’s actually a criminal and behaves like a recalcitrant child, after you clearly explained to him what the consequences of his actions could have on him and on you. He didn’t care; and after all the hard work you did to help him, he betrayed you anyway.

Stop with the expensive attorney and remember that he’ll be treated fairly. He’s a criminal and criminals have rights in this country. Besides, he committed the crime voluntarily. He wasn’t too worried about the consequences; you shouldn’t be either. His welfare should no longer be your business. You should be working to repair the damage he did to your reputation within your company. Life is hard sometimes and the last thing you need is a man you cannot count on; whose character is highly questionable; who has dubious morals and no ethics. To top it off, he apparently doesn’t give a damn about you, just look at what he’s done. Don’t be invested in keeping a criminal around. I’m sure there are plenty good men around you who would love to date a hard working woman like yourself. Put this experience on the files of “lessons learned the hard way.”

*Name has changed to protect her privacy


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