Is having sex too soon a problem?

*Melinda has been dating a guy for 3 weeks. She wants to know when it would be the appropriate time to ask him if they’re dating exclusively or not and if she can spend the night at his place instead of him just spending the nights at her place.

It blows my mind that a woman can’t ask a simple question like the two questions above. She and the guy she’s dating have already done all kinds of private and intimate things and yet she cannot muster the courage to ask him some simple questions.

That’s why I harp on my clients not to “sample the goods” too soon. Don’t have sex early on because you may become inhibited or “weirded” out. When you’re “weirded” out, you won’t be able to ask relevant or simple questions that you would have had no problems asking otherwise.

Spend some quality time getting to know the other person well. Ask all kinds of questions that will help you get to know each other better. When you have sex early on, it reduces objectivity because you get involved emotionally; and when you are emotionally involved, you think it means more than it is.

Do yourself a favor and do things in a more organized and realistic manner. Don’t develop a sexual relationship too soon. Instead, get to know him, ask questions, and you will actually get to know your man without the sex intimacies being in the way.

The reason values and morals exist is not to put a damper on your fun or to show people that you’re holier than thou, but they are there to protect you from yourself. So, ask away.


  1. Jill Rhodes-Harvey says:

    Cristina, another excellent piece of advice -exactly how I would advise my clients or any female I knew was starting out with a new man. I’m enjoying your website a lot!

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