A man obsessed about his girlfriend's weight … a little too much.

PUMPED UP in Palo Alto, wrote me to ask if she was being overly sensitive or should she consider not marrying her boyfriend. She said she knows men like to marry women who are fit and like them to stay fit after marriage/babies but her boyfriend seems to be overly concerned with her weight that every time she has to tell him that she’ll miss her work out that day, she feels a pain in the bottom of her stomach.

Her boyfriend is very handsome, has a body to die for, he’s 6’4”, muscular; he has made an effort to work out regularly and since they started dating she has lost 15 lbs. At times he challenges the food she wants to eat, even to the point of sometimes asking her to please not eat something. If she’s under the weather, worked long hours, sick, didn’t have enough sleep … the gym is not going to happen that day. When she does not go to the gym, he gets upset, whinny, takes it personally and makes her feel as if she is letting him down.

He often asked her “if we got married, would you always stay fit for me?” She has asked him what would happen if she had two little kids, was running ragged, tired, exhausted and didn’t feel like working out that day. He answered “what if I stop going to work and earning money?”

Let’s go by parts: men like fit women but not all men, they are different and like different types, some men like their women with curves, some like them hefty with a little more volume and some like them anorexic thin. It takes all kinds and we should be with someone who likes us.

If we marry someone reasonably fit, it is safe to assume that the person we are with will make an effort to stay that way, counting the natural ravages of time, baby making, health problems, things that may change the course of life.

No. I would not marry him. That’s a guy who obsessively focused on looks. When you have babies, your body changes, some women can go back to their original weight and some can’t, sometimes a little left over from the birth will stay for a long time. If you get sick – e.g. thyroid, some weight gain is expected. What is he going to do then? Torture you? Leave you? Life happens.

He’s already warning you, look at this as a huge red flag, that pain you feel in your stomach is your instinct telling you something, listen to it. He’s hyper focusing on the wrong thing, and what is this business with food? You are not a child; you’re an adult capable of making decisions of what you can put in your body and if you get sick and he gets concerned and pouty that you are not working out that day, I would get worry, assuming you are not exaggerating, I would expect a reasonable guy not to whine about it and let you get better.

Tell him, he needs to go find himself a body builder. He seems to think it’s a reflection on him if his woman doesn’t look a certain way. Those guys scare me.  I would let him go and go get yourself a more reasonable guy, stop wasting your precious time.

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