Married for awhile but never had SEX?

Larissa in Cupertino has been married for 12 years, yet her husband has never consummated their marriage. There’s been no sex because he has trouble sustaining an erection. Even Viagra doesn’t do the trick but he refuses to go the doctor to get help. Larissa doesn’t know what to do. She craves sexual intimacy but the only physical intimacies she gets are hugs. She’s frustrated, angry and sad but won’t consider leaving him. She refuses to disappoint her family, considers divorce sinful, and also says having an affair is simply not an option. In her view, having an affair is worse than getting a divorce. To make matters worse, she feels guilty even thinking about leaving him. She wants to know what to do.

Let me see. According to you, you’ve never had sex with your husband—no manual sex, no oral sex, nothing. So why are you staying with this man? Having sex, making love to your spouse is all part of the marriage vows—it’s how we bond to our mate. If either party refuses to fulfill that obligation, the marriage is null and void. I don’t even understand why you would feel guilty about leaving him when he hasn’t even consummated your marriage. Gee, he doesn’t even pleasure you!

Since you don’t want to make a decision about your life by considering all the options available, you need to stop whining. Complaining about it and thinking about it won’t add joy or happiness to your life. Constantly reflecting about all the negative stuff simply won’t make a bad thing better.

Here’s what you can do. Don’t torture him with your complaints. Remember, you are refusing to make a choice for your own life by  staying with him,  and this means you will continue living with your best “buddy”.  Meanwhile, you can masturbate to fantasies or sexy videos to satisfy yourself, unless you think these are sinful as well. Sure, it’s not the greatest substitute, but it’s the only thing available since you’ve put yourself between a rock and a hard place.

Since you’ve decided that staying with this man is more important than anything else, stop complaining about him to others. When we are unwilling to make hard decisions in our lives, complaining is a useless, fruitless exercise.

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