Marrying, becoming one and having separate finances

engaged couple holding on hands - view from backsideConfused in Emerald Hills doesn’t know if she should sign a pre-nuptial agreement. Her fiancé also wants to keep their finances apart. There are two different things here. First one: if you are single, never married and have no children and he wants to keep the accounts separate, he really doesn’t want to be married. Considering marriage by behaving like this, he considers himself an independent male adult.

He gets to sleep with you, but ultimately, he keeps his total financial independence from you. That’s not a guy who’s committed himself to you.  Before marrying, you will have to tell him “we either combine or we’ll not be married.”

According to what I read in your question, you may ask me: “If I am able to support myself, what’s the difference?” – Which I’ll answer: well, why get married then?  Then you’ll answer: “to have a loving partner.”

No, you don’t have a loving partner when you’re keeping your finances separate to make sure that neither one of you taps on each other’s things. That’s not a union of two people becoming one. That’s a business arrangement.

Now, the second rule: if you are divorced and have children or a child, you must keep what you had before marriage separate in order to protect your offspring. In the case of death, or another divorce, you don’t want the children (or child) of your prior relationship/marriage left unprotected. That is your first responsibility: your offspring then your beloved.

Your fiancé apparently is fully loaded (your words). Personally, if I were you, I would not marry him unless he put into writing (pre-nuptial agreement) exactly what you’d get if he decided one day that he had enough of you and wanted to trade you in for a much younger model. Guys who are fully loaded have a different mindset. Protect yourself and don’t be a sitting duck.

He’s getting a good deal: a hard body, beautiful, smart, accomplished and much younger woman. He should be so lucky. He has to give up something to protect the woman he loves. It is his obligation. Talk to him and let’s hope he will rise to the occasion, and if he doesn’t, were I you, I would reconsider your decision to marry him. Marrying on love alone is NOT enough.

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