Men, being “hot” is NOT the most important requisite.

Today I want to address some emails that were burning my inbox. They all revolved around a common theme: men staying with women for the sole reason that they are “hot” (attractive), some much younger than the men, while complaining about the lack of substance in the relationship (e.g., shortage of interesting conversations). Some of them had the testicular fortitude to whine about not being able to leave the relationship because the woman was “so hot”.

These emails brought me back to an argument I had with two male acquaintances who, too, were complaining about their “hot” girlfriends’ inabilities to produce a decent conversation. Disclaimer: these men are also dating (and have frequently exclusively dated) women 15 to 20 years their junior.

I’m not going to lie, I was a little put off by it.

I do understand that physical chemistry is important but staying with someone because the person is “hot”, to me, doesn’t say much about the person doing so. To those of you who wrote to me to whining about your “hot” girlfriend’s lack of substance and are not doing anything about it because you’re not thinking with the right head, I have a simple thing to say to you. They are not my words, these words was told to me many decades ago, back in my home country:

When you’re looking to make a life with someone, marry someone you like to talk to because when time becomes your enemy, expression lines dominate your face, and your “vitality” is not as you you’d like, all that will remain are the memorable and intimate conversations you’ve had with someone who has lived and shared many stories with you, held your hands numerous times, embraced you when you needed it and told you the right word at the right time. You will remember your life together—the happy times, the funny, the passionate ones—and you will still laugh together a lot.

Remember that external beauty is fleeting but the affection, the respect, and the knowledge one acquires living together increases everyday. Get married to someone you really like to talk to, because over the years, it will make all the difference.


  1. I just signed up to your blogs rss feed. Will you post more on this subject?

    • I do but I try not overwhelm people by posting everyday. I post three times a week M-W-F and when people want me to write about something, they send me an email and I write about it. Thanks for signing up.

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