My personal take on divorce!

A little while back, I wrote a post entitled “People’s True Character Reveals Itself Under Pressure”. I received private emails and comments on the post above but I was asked not to make them public. I respect that because people identified themselves and asked for privacy and I do respect that. What I don’t respect is people being cowards and posting anonymous comments, hiding behind their anonymity in order to make a statement.

I don’t respond to anonymous comments, I have in the past but I make a point of no longer doing it. What is the point? If the person is hiding behind anonymity, he/she doesn’t want to be taken seriously but this anonymous post did me a favor by calling my attention to the question of divorce and I think I should clarify my point of view. He or she wrote:

Are you a marriage advisor or do you get a bounty for each divorce you helped make happen?

I’m assuming Anonymous is referring to the post above and that’s where he/she made the comment more than twenty days after I originally posted it. I would be irresponsible to tell a man or a woman to stay in a marriage or in any relationship if the other person is violent or can’t hold their temper. I wouldn’t stay in a relationship like that, why would I tell others to stay?

I don’t believe in divorce unless there is:

Abuse – physical violence or constant psychological put downs
Affairs – a spouse who constantly steps outside the marriage bed
Addictions – abuse of prescription drugs, illegal drugs, gambling, pornography, etc.
Alienation of Affection – making love is part of the marriage vows and when one of the parties breaches it for good, what the other spouse is supposed to do? Become a monk? Join a nunnery?

Also, when there are children involved I believe both parties need to put their differences aside for the best interest of the children they created. I don’t care if they are not happy; to me, their happiness is not the most important thing when they created other human beings who didn’t ask to be here. Hunker down and do what’s right. Once the kids are up and out, then we can do whatever we want with our lives but until then, we have a greater responsibility to our children than our happiness.

When we stay and try to make it a happy home and a stable environment for our children to grow and thrive, it also ensures that we have a greater influence on our children’s lives. It’s better than divorcing. Once we divorce, we only have 50% influence, the other half when they will be with the other parent, we’ll be pulling our hair out, frustrated because the other parent may not give a damn and will let the kids do what they want. One may argue that “oh, we get along fine and the children will be fine”. Well, if you get along so fine, then there is no need for divorce, is it? But if any of the four A’s above apply to their situation, with children or no children, it’s over.

One last point on divorce: sometimes people make a mistake, we’re only humans and not perfect. I am big in repairing mistakes. If you made a mistake, repair it.

I know I am going to take a beating for what I am saying here. I am going to receive all kinds of emails, telling me how their situation is different blah-blah-blah. That’s nice, but these are my views and not everybody will agree with them, which is fine. I don’t debate people on this, I respect the way they think, but it’s my OPINION and they are entitled to have theirs.

When I express my opinions, I don’t expect people to take them as gospel or truths, they are MY opinions, that’s all what it is and I don’t care if people don’t like them either, I don’t live my life to win any popularity contest. People who have nothing to say and constant bob their head acquiescing to anything people say because they don’t want to be perceived as not “nice”, are boring to me, I don’t learn anything from them. An elephant has more personality than they do.

The point I am making is that I am not afraid to express my views even if people don’t agree with them at least I don’t stand behind anonymity when I want to say something, if I make a statement, I stand behind it. It may not be popular but at least I have the courage to stand by my convictions.

Now, let the beating begin 🙂

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