You picked him to marry and now you're angry at what you chose?

To Angry in Berkeley: This is what I see from my desk as I read your question/story – a woman had a first marriage, made 3 kids and then got divorced because she felt betrayed by that marriage. She had a second marriage. The husband couldn’t have kids so they adopted 2 more kids. Divorced, again. Married for a third time, knowing the guy was/is a smoker, she made 1 more kid and took on 2 more stepchildren. That’s your story. Now you are saying that “women are slaves” because that’s how you’re feeling with all the driving, cooking and cleaning you have to do after your husband, the 4 kids you made, the 2 you adopted plus your 2 stepchildren and, on top of that, you have to make love with that “stench in his mouth”.

Angry in Berkeley, you are making women look really bad right now. First of all, YOU picked him to marry and in the great scheme of all the chaos you have brought to your children’s lives, for you to pull the plug on something this minor, since you KNEW before marriage that he was a smoker, is really evil and trivial on your part. Don’t you think you have already messed these kids’ lives enough? I think the next time that you want to mess them up some more, make it be at least because of something really more important than just smoking, because that’s trivial. You knew that before signing on the dotted line. Make it about something really important, like he beats the daylights out of the kids or you. However, that is not your case. You told me he is very nice and smoking is the only problem.

Here’s my answer to you: focus on how grateful you are that a man actually wanted to marry you. Focus on gratitude that you found a MAN who wanted to take all that on and wanted to protect you, to keep you safe, to rescue and provide for you and your brood of kids because you couldn’t keep your first and second marriages together. Give up this “women are slaves” mentality bit. You designed your life by marrying, remarrying, and cranking out and adopting all your babies. When you married him, you also took on his children. You did that, you did that, no one forced you. You decided all by yourself that it was what you wanted. Well, you got it now, make the best of it.

If you didn’t like smokers for sure, you should not have married one. Now that you did, please, be a woman of honor, act mature, be gracious and grateful. Go make love to your man and thank him for taking the responsibility for you and your brood of kids. I wish you well.

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