STOP wasting time with Mr. Wrong!

*Genevieve from Corte Madera wrote to me to complain about her new fiancé. She has been dating her fiancé for four and a half years. He’s a very nice man, but throughout the years they have been on and off, on and off, and on and off too many times to count. Her major complaint/argument is that he is hyper focused on his job and on anything that he starts: his hobbies and new projects. That means, she is often feeling left out and angry for the lack of time spent together. She wants to know how can she cope and make him understand that she’s unhappy and would like to spend more time with him. By the way, he is toying with the idea of opening a restaurant.

Why a woman would waste her time with the wrong guy, I’ll never understand. This is a guy who is very focused in his activities and his job, to the extent that she is left out.  She doesn’t like it; and in almost five years, she hasn’t figured out that he’s not for her.

*Genevieve, you’re the kind of woman who is going to marry this guy, then beat him up for what he is for the rest of your married lives. Then one day he’ll wake up sick and tired from taking your lumps and he’ll end up leaving the marriage and the couple of kids you two had together.

Why would you spend one more day with this gentleman when you clearly know that you don’t like his lifestyle? That’s not what you want. You said he’s a nice man and I believe you; but this has nothing to do with him being nice or bad, it has to do with personality. You also said he wants to open a restaurant and if he doesn’t have time for you now, he will have even less after that. He seems to be the type of man, who is very focused on his activities, who likes to do things independently from anyone else, who needs a woman who is also independent, has her own life, likes to do things on her own and who is not going to be ticked off when he goes off to do his own things. He’s a nice guy, but not for you. Leave him alone.

It’s neither nice nor fair that you are with him and spend your time fighting and arguing about the time that he doesn’t spend with you. I’m sure you have had numerous conversations about this and nothing has changed; otherwise, you would not be writing to me. So, I think it’s time to cut your losses and let him go. He may be great; but nor for you. He’s great for someone else; and if you persist and marry him, his lifestyle will turn you into a sour witch whose expertise will be in complaining about everything. I know, and I believe you know too, that your situation won’t last. I’m counting on you to stop wasting your time and go look for the man who will enjoy spending more time in your company than with his job and hobbies. Good luck!

*names have changed to protect her identity

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