The case of Monica Lewinsky … time for her to finally get a life!

Monica copyright MarkSeligerMonica Lewinsky has resurfaced this week, again. I wanted to write about this immediately; but I had to stifle myself because if I did write as soon as I read the excerpt of her article on Vanity Fair, all I would have done was start a rant that would go on and on. I wrote this post on Wednesday but had a few days to trim it down, otherwise it would be too long.

It has been almost 20 years and I’m still ticked off by this woman’s story. At the time when her so- called “friend,” Linda Tripp, betrayed her, the world found out that she was having an affair with President Clinton.  Once I heard the news, I remembered discussing it with my then husband and all we could think was that our very young daughter one day could have been in that same very vulnerable position: the big boss who’s older, more experienced, charismatic, making inappropriate goo-goo eyes at our daughter and she, a fresh faced, naive, immature, young woman, ready to take the world by her hands would fall prey to a man who is supposed to know better.

At the time, the press rung Ms. Lewinsky out to dry. We could not turn to a channel and not see the face of that young woman, fresh faced, huge smile, and lustrous hair. The press vilified this young woman. Even then President Clinton would not acknowledge his mistake and instead of calling Monica by her name, referred to her as “that woman.” What surprised me was not even did Gloria Steinem, Barbara Walters, or even Diane Sawyer come to this young woman’s rescue and publicly defend her. All the feminists went radio silent. She was barely 22 years old, a time when a young person’s brain is not even fully formed, and no one publically defended her by putting the blame where it should have lied: squarely on Mr. Clinton’s shoulders. He should have known better.

Instead of defending one of their own, the so-called “feminists” did what women usually do when a woman falters her steps: they came down hard on her. At one point ten of those so-called famous New York feminists (of whom were authors, television writers, magazine editors, fashion designers and a restaurateur), gathered together to discuss the salacious details of the story like a bunch of gossipy teenage girls. What is incredulous is that no one saw the man for what he was, which was a man who had the ultimate responsibility. She was HIS intern; therefore he was in a position of power as her boss and on top of that, he was the leader of the free world. Which young girl would have said NO? Instead of placing responsibility where it should have been, they vilified this girl while discussing why the President didn’t wear a condom, where were the stains, and yes, they would do him, too. They all sided with Clinton, publicly humiliated her, and slut shamed her, letting that young woman drown. Even Hillary Clinton called her names instead of placing her husband’s head between two frying pans and hitting him really hard. That was unacceptable but we all know why she blame Monica. It was the easy way out and if she din’t, she would have to make a decision about her marriage so like many women before her, it was easy to blame the other woman, in this case a wide eyed young woman.

To me, Maureen Dowd (The New York Times columnist) was the worst. In the beginning of the story she was defending Lewinsky; then she buckled under the pressure and started to join the others by throwing rocks at Lewinsky and writing obsessively about the case. As times passed, her articles became nastier and nastier. The woman was brutal. She ended up winning a Pulitzer Prize for the trash she wrote.

I think throughout the years Monica Lewinsky has shown great restraint and grace. She didn’t cash on her circumstances, which she could have. Her life has not been a bed of roses. Can you imagine her going on a date? We all have a past, and we all are not proud of something. However, we get to keep our secrets, while hers are known worldwide. Who knows if the experience has soured her forever about romantic relationships? Looking for a job… Can you imagine going to an interview and knowing that they “know” what you’ve done? Living day to day, hand to mouth,  borrowing money from relatives in order to live? I cannot imagine, and yet, she didn’t cash in on her fame.

Now at 40 years old, I’m glad she decided to come out and own what happened to her so she can take the power back. I hope she does stop thinking about the feelings of the Clintons and start looking after herself. I hope she writes a book. I hope she develops a line of lipstick, hair products, or anything where she can finally make some decent income. Why should she stay in the shadows forever so the powerful Clintons can go on about their lives as if nothing ever happened? It’s time for her to own her life and damn anybody else who won’t like it!

When, if ever, should a former stripper tell her boyfriend about her past?

*Rhonda in San José, was a stripper for nine years. That’s how she funded her education and made some extra money afterward. Today she works in marketing and hasn’t stripped for the past six. She wants to know when, or if, she should ever tell the man she’s dating, that she used to strip. Her experience has been that she goes on a date, then by the third date she tells them, then they disappear or tell her they’re no longer interested. Her company is moving her to another state and she is contemplating never telling about it.

Answer: I think this is a private part of your life that you should keep to yourself. BUT if you ever meet someone that you’re dating for a while (you know that he’s serious about you, both of you are in love, you see that the relationship is going somewhere) then by all means, tell him.

This world has become too small, and information like this needs to be shared at some point because it can come back to visit you. If the person you are with doesn’t know and finds out, then it can become something bigger than it is because he may feel duped or embarrassed. Whatever his feelings are, he may think that a fraud was perpetrated on him and that may be the end of things.

Don’t make a big deal out of it. It’s not as if you are a married woman having an affair with him or hiding a criminal past. This is just stripping. There’s no reason to carry the letter “S” on your chest. Simply tell him that you did it in order to fund your education and once you found a better job, you stopped. Period. If he asks why you didn’t tell him in the beginning, you tell him that is a private matter and is only to be shared with the man who is serious about you and not just anyone you started dating.

*for privacy purposes, name was changed

When is a man justified in hitting his woman?

Curious in Fillmore has been in a relationship with a man for 5 months. Two months ago his best friend hit his fiancée. Curious in Fillmore then asked her boyfriend, when was a man justified in physically hitting his woman, which he replied that it was unacceptable BUT he would find justifiable to hit his woman if he caught his wife or girlfriend cheating on him, then he would hit her …. hard. Curious in Fillmore wants to know if this is a red flag. By the way, she also mentions that her boyfriend is a bit insecure and a little jealous because he has been cheated on before.

Red flag? I would say HUGE red flag. What if he thinks that you had an affair and you didn’t have one? What if he just gets jealous? He’s already has a hypersensitivity over being cheated on. I don’t care how cute he is, how adorable he is, if you have the hots for him, if you like him a little too much, it doesn’t matter, you should have left him two months ago. You should not risk life and limb just to be with a guy on an off chance that he won’t hit you.

Sorry to be so stern about it but when someone has a history with sensitivity towards something which can easily be misunderstood and they demonstrate insecurity in that area, they can be potentially dangerous.  The fact that he thinks that hitting a woman is ok, is cause for concern and there is no justification to hit a woman, even if his woman cheats on him. If that happens, he can break off with her, not break her. You should not walk away from this guy, you should RUN as fast as you can.