“Baffled in Mountain View” has a live-in boyfriend who is very Christian and constantly berates her youngest child, a boy of nine years old. Apparently, since the time he could crawl, he would go to his sister’s room to play with her dolls and later on in his development, try on her clothes. For the past two years, Baffled has increased the number of boys’ toys in the house while doing away with girls’ toys so that he not be tempted to play with them again. Well, this didn’t do very much to change his behavior, as he now turns anything he can get his hands on into girls’ things: a dish towel becomes flowing hair, a truck becomes a doll, a towel on his waist becomes a skirt, etc.
She’s frustrated, teaching his siblings not to make fun of him while the boyfriend, in turn, constantly belittles him. She feels torn and asked me if I had any advice on what to say to the boyfriend to stop.
My answer to you Baffled: THROW-THE-BUM-OUT!!!
You should not have him in your house at all! How can you say you love this man who hurts your child? We women should not be with men who hurt our children. Actually, you should not have him in your house in the first place—you have three children and your time, effort and attention should go to THEM first. Whatever time you have left you can give to this man if you want…and I use the term “man” loosely, because in my view, you sure don’t have a man in your hands.
And “Christian”? What kind of Christian is he, that he muscles a little boy that can’t defend himself? For you to allow this BUM to hurt your child is unacceptable. You are letting him torture your boy while you stand by and do nothing in order to keep him under your sheets. How can you feel horny for someone who hurts your child?
There is nothing you can say to him to make him stop. I’m sure you have already talked to him about this and because of that, he should have stopped the first time—better yet, if he was a decent human being, he would not have said anything at all.
Throw him out of your house NOW and concentrate your efforts on your little boy. He is who he is. It’s built in his DNA. I don’t know if he’ll turn out to be gay, transgendered, or who knows—I don’t have a crystal ball, but your obligation as a mother is to support and guide him, no matter what.
Remember, if your boy continues adopting this identity (which there is nothing wrong with), his life is not going to be easy, so don’t pile it on by bringing someone into his life that’s not going to be kind. Maybe you should put your love life on hold and concentrate in raising your kids for now.