Happy Valentine’s Day!!!!

iStock_000001097386SmallOn this Valentine’s day I would like to remind you of 6 important points when in a relationship with your beloved:

1 – Remember to always tell your beloved what you most appreciate about him/her, no matter how small. Sometimes it is the small things that matter most.

2 – When your beloved is talking to you, stop what you’re doing and make eye contact. You will be less likely to say later on “Oh, you didn’t tell me that,” because when we make eye contact while the other person is speaking, we are less likely to forget what was said to us. It also shows you care.

3 – Men whose women give them kudos – some women describe that as stroking their ego – I call it “giving them affirmation” –  that they are appreciated, respected and loved, are more likely to describe their couple life as happy. We women get affirmation very often from girlfriends and even strangers who compliment us on what we’re wearing, how beautiful we’re looking that day, how we are having a great hair day, etc., but men don’t have that and as human beings, they need that too. The only people who give it to them are their mothers and their women, so don’t be shy about your compliments if your man deserves them. Dish them out.

4 – One very important point: don’t believe that a woman needs to keep an air of mistery to keep things alive and interesting. What hogwash! Trying to guess what the other person is thinking is annoying and tiresome. Communicate explicity what you’re thinking – no need for a heavy talk, but tell him what you need from him and you’ll find out that you’re doing yourself and your relationship a favor. You will have a happier man who will give you what you need by eliminating the guesswork, and you’ll be happier and won’t have to pout because he didn’t do something you wanted.

5 – Touch and touch often. Touching causes our bodies to produce a hormone called oxytocin (the feel-good hormone), and it promotes a desire to touch and be touched. It will make you both feel good about each other, causing you to bond to each other even more.

6 – Communicate! Express! Touch!

Have a great Valentine’s Day!!





Rules of the Day!

red hearts

Newly married wife doesn’t want to put out

*Jack, from Russian Hill, said that he dated his wife for one year before getting married and she used to be a great lover right before marriage. They have been married for about one and a half years now; but for the past 11 months sex has been rare and far in between. Every time he wants to get “close” to her, it turns into a begging session. When she finally concedes, she just lays there as if she’s doing him a favor. Jack wants to know what he can tell her that will help her go back to the way she used to be in bed and add a little more frequency than once a month. He said he loves her and doesn’t want to say anything that may hurt her feelings.

Answer: Jack “ma man”, since you don’t want to hurt her feelings, then, please don’t say anything and stay in your quasi-almost-non-existent, pseudo intimacy kind of marriage. Make sure not to complain about it either. Let HER continuing hurting YOUR feelings since you don’t want to hurt hers.

Now, if one day you decide to have the courage to face the problem in your marriage, then by all means, open your mouth and talk frankly with her and tell her that you didn’t marry her, or anybody, so you could live like that. Explain to her that having reasonable sex, wanting to make love to your spouse, is part of the marriage vows you two took; and any MAN or WOMAN who doesn’t fulfill that part is neglecting his/her part unless a health problem is present.

Spouses who sexually neglect their partners then come up with the “oh, you hurt my feelings” card when the other partner brings it up, are being manipulative and a bad spouse. When you talk to your wife about this and she brings this card up, do not allow yourself to be manipulated like that. Face it and talk about the situation until you bring a resolution to it.

If your situation doesn’t improve, then you have a decision to make. You didn’t mention kids, so I’m going to assume there are none and since you’re childless, the decision should not be that hard. One thing though, if your love for her is greater than your need to have sex, then welcome to monk-hood, because that’s where you’ll be heading. If the sex is almost non-existent now, I’ll give you one to two years before it stops altogether; but at least you will not have hurt her feelings. Hope you got my sarcasm.



Are we happier now?

The latest essay coming out on the Atlantic.

The Weaker Sex

How the new gender economics has more and more professional-class women looking at their mates and thinking: How long until I vote you off the island?


Today’s women have achieved a goal that social commentators have inveighed against for centuries: economic in­dependence. Railed The Times of London in 1868, in opposing property rights for married women: “The proposed change would totally destroy the existing relation between husband and wife.” An American letter-writer declared in 1903:

“The wife who has her own income is thereby rendered a poorer wife [and,] feeling independent of her natural protector, she becomes more critical, less lenient to his faults and failings.”     click here to continue reading