Am I a liar? Or simply overly-sensitive?

This reader needs help but can’t ask his friends because he doesn’t want to paint his beloved in a bad light. Many times when he and his wife make an agreement or he tells her something, he later finds that she denies ever having any knowledge of it because he didn’t tell her. For instance, if they agree to go out to dinner in two weeks, the night before he mentions that he’s excited for their upcoming date (after clearing his schedule or working around the designated night), she will deny that they made plans and say that he didn’t tell her.

When he tries to gently remind her that she did agree to it, she will confidently reply, “No, you didn’t tell me that.” This has happened so frequently that, afraid he was losing his mind (or worse, that he was accusing his wife of forgetting when perhaps he was the forgetful one), he started taking special notes of what they agreed by either writing it down or secretly recording her so that he was absolutely certain that he was not accusing her of anything.

Well, now that he knows for sure that he has told her something when she denies it, the relationship is becoming strained. He will remind her of previous agreements when they make them and again, she will deny it, saying, “No, you never told me that”. If he insists that he told her, she’ll become upset, defensive and angry, cutting him off when he tries to talk to her and loudly denying he told her anything.

He’s very upset because he says he’s an honorable man and his word means something. Her insistence in saying that he didn’t say things when he knows he said it, is driving him crazy and away from her. He’s wondering if there is a reason to stay with a woman who, when all is said and done, basically deems him a liar. She may not have said the words that he IS a liar, but when she denies that he told her something, insists that he is wrong, gets defensive when she’s caught, she is basically calling him a liar. Taking notes and recording her is taking a considerate amount of effort and energy on his part and he’s tired of having the same conversation. He asked me: “Am I making a mountain out of a molehill here? Am I being overly sensitive about this? Is this not a big deal?” He asked for an outsider perspective before making a tough decision about his life.

So, my readers, I know what I will tell him but before I do that, I emailed him saying that I will not only offer my personal perspective, but I will ask my readers to weigh in and give us their perspective as well and see what percentage will agree or disagree with his assessment. Readers help this guy out and let us know:

What is your perspective? Is he being hyper sensitive about this? Does he have a point in thinking his wife is calling him a liar?

If you want to answer anonymously, simply email me at ask_cristina@cristinarobinson.com or go to my Facebook page and let us have it. Thank you for your help. I will publish my answer to him and yours on Friday’s blog.

 

 

e-loser.com … lies people tell online!

The Lies Everyone Tells on Dating Sites

Finding love online isn’t easy. The prospect of meeting Mr. or Ms. Right seems to turn everyone into porn star used car salesmen. Luckily for you, dear dater, Vice’s Brian Moylan knows exactly what everyone’s lying about.

Romantic relationships are just a litany of lies. “Sure, I’d love to see a Katherine Heigl movie.” “No, it’s not creepy at all that your dad touched my thigh like that.” “I swear I never fucked that chick. We’re just, like, you know, friends.” But before you shack up with a partner and the pants are really on fire, we have to get through that festering sore of omissions, obfuscations, half-truths, and fabrications that is the online dating profile.   continue reading …..

 

Going through life with a liar!

Care About Numbers in San Jose wrote me to ask if she should dump her boyfriend of two years because once in a while he lies about things. When they started dating he told her, he only slept with two women but now the numbers have changed to a lot more than that and she doesn’t like it. This has been bothering her more lately, after he started talking about marriage.

Actually, CAN in San Jose, to me the numbers (of women he slept with) don’t get me excited because people these days often sleep around, do booty calls, casual sex is the norm for many and taking whatever opportunities to have sex, is nothing new, as long as he doesn’t have any sexually transmitted diseases, I’m ok with it. It has been two years after the fact.

The important thing here is that he looked you square in the eyes and LIED and he continues to tell you little lies, according to you. I don’t think it is very wise to continue to be in a relationship with a man who constantly lies. Life is hard and sometimes tough, therefore, a husband and wife need to be able to trust each other. Stay focused, the numbers are unimportant but that he constantly lies, that is huge.