Married for 60 years, together until the very end!

Video - 1Back when men were chivalrous, he fell in love with her and told her parents he would love to take care of her for the rest of his life and that’s what he did. Bring on the water works. What a beautiful and touching story.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEwV1ShlAyI

 

Do you want to avoid a divorce? Perhaps this will help you!

Some rights reserved by State Farm Via Flickr

Some rights reserved by State Farm Via Flickr

I often scout the internet for interesting relationships stories and I came up on this one while searching Facebook. Apparently he learned when is all but too late. It is worth a reading.

MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD:
Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had…

1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.

Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.

But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

The woman that told him ‘I do’, and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.

If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.

Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

SOURCE

 

When wives behave badly

Behaving badly- iStockphotoGarth wrote to me to ask if he’d been out of line. He found out that his wife (of nine years) has been text messaging and talking a little too much with a particular co-worker. This co-worker, Mark, happens to live in the same neighborhood they live in, is also married, and has three little kids. Not only do they text, but they also call each other, carpool once in a while to and from work, and sometimes even work out together at the same gym.

Garth has talked to his wife and has asked her to stop this behavior because it makes him feel uncomfortable. He also has told her, repeatedly, that he could drop her off and/or pick her up from the train station so she wouldn’t have to carpool with Mark. He has offered to work out with her, but there is always an excuse why she cannot. She explains away by asking why she should pay to ride the train all the time if she can save some money by hitching a ride with her co-worker. To pacify Garth, she says she’s going to workout with him; but when the time comes that they have agreed to, she has either gone earlier to do her workout (with Mark) or finds an excuse not to go. Garth doesn’t know what else to say to make her stop. All she has to say when Garth shares his concerns is that she isn’t doing anything wrong. She tells him everything. She says her friendship with Mark is totally platonic and Garth must simply be jealous and insecure. Garth is now asking if I have any helpful advice for him.

Answer:

Garth has the right to feel insecure, jealous, and uncomfortable. His wife’s behavior is boorish. She’s turning Garth down at every suggestion simply so she can do things with her co-worker. Platonic my butt! If her relationship is still platonic, then she’s flirting with this guy and is on her way to having a full-fledged affair. We all know that this is the way things start. When a spouse starts to behave like Garth’s wife, that’s bad news for the marriage. All that extra time spent with this other guy is going to make her feel much closer to him. Then they start sharing stories; a little problem at their perspective homes becomes a monster when is not necessary to be; they start feeling sorry for each other. Then there’s a little lunch here and a little dinner there, then, “BAM!” They’re starting an affair.

Garth, read carefully: it is time to stop feeling uncomfortable and bring a meeting to order. Tell her that your marriage is in deep trouble and she doesn’t seem to be the least concerned. Tell her she’s hurting your feelings and she doesn’t seem to care. Tell her she’s simply being dismissive by telling you that you’re jealous and insecure. Basically, she’s choosing Mark over you, her husband. Tell her she’s deliberately trying to hurt you; and if this behavior continues, you both need to start talking about whether or not your marriage will survive or it is already doomed. Depending on what her answer is, it will determine what your next step should be. Good luck with that.

Husband still wants to have sex with his wife of 23 years …. what a bastard!

Image via iStockphoto1*Nancy from Napa, wrote to me complaining that her husband is a sex fiend. She can’t even touch his face or arm without him taking the opportunity to grab her boobs, her butt, or wanting to have his “nasty” way with her. That’s really annoying, and she’s sick and tired of his behavior. She wants to know what she can do to change his behavior and make him stop wanting to have sex at every little opportunity.

Answer

Damn! What a bastard! After almost 25 years of marriage, instead of cheating on Nancy, finding himself some new sleazy girlfriend, or using pornography to curb his urges, this bastard of a husband, has the nerve to still find his wife attractive and want to have his wicked way with her.

Well, since Nancy wants to know what to do to curb his enthusiasm, I think not showering, no combing her hair, and not shaving the arm pits or making sure that her girlie parts stink, I think that should do the trick pretty good. Being mean, nasty, not sweet and kind will do the trick as well. Then, after all of this, he’ll get tired of her nastiness and will stop finding Nancy attractive and hopefully he’ll leave her in order to find himself some woman who is actually going to appreciate that after so many years her man will still has the “hots” for her and no one else. Some people just don’t know what they’ve got until they lose it. I hope Nancy understands my sarcasm.

*name has been changed to protect her privacy

Tiny Love Stories – 2

Tiny love stories on the site makesmethink.com. Hopefully it will warm your heart and make you smile!
  • I told my 18 year old grandson that nobody asked me to prom when I was in high school, so I didn’t attend. He showed up at my house this evening dressed in a tuxedo and took me as his date to his prom.
  • When she woke up from an eleven month coma, she kissed me and said, “Thank you for being here, and telling me those beautiful stories, and never giving up on me… And yes, I will marry you.”
  • I was sitting on a park bench eating a sandwich for lunch when an elderly couple pulled their car up under a nearby oak tree. They rolled down the windows and turned up some jazz music on the radio. Then the man got out of the car, walked around to the passenger side, opened the door for the woman, took her hand and helped her out of her seat, guided her about ten feet away from the car, and they slow danced for the next half hour under the oak tree.
  • I operated on a little girl. She needed O- blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin brother has O- blood. I explained to him that it was a matter of life and death. He sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to his parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took his blood and he asked, “So when will I die?” He thought he was giving his life for hers. Thankfully, they’ll both be fine.
  • My dad is the best dad I could ask for. He’s a loving husband to my mom (always making her laugh), he’s been to every one of my soccer games since I was 5 (I’m 17 now), and he provides for our family as a construction foreman. This morning when I was searching through my dad’s toolbox for a pliers, I found a dirty folded up paper at the bottom. It was an old journal entry in my dad’s handwriting dated exactly one month before the day I was born. It reads, “I am eighteen years old, an alcoholic who is failing out of college, a past cutter, and a child abuse victim with a criminal record of auto theft. And next month, ‘teen father’ will be added to the list. But I swear I will make things right for my little girl. I will be the dad I never had.” And I don’t know how he did it, but he did it.

Latest study about the State of Dating in America

Singles in America today are more progressive than ever when it comes to sex, living arrangements and gender roles, yet maintain traditional values when it comes to marriage and family, according to a new report jointly released by ChristianMingle.com and JDate.com. They announced the results on Jan 22, 2013 of an expansive study about the State of Dating in America, which surveyed more than 2,700 singles between the ages of 18 and 60 across the United States.

Some surprising findings showcasing a more liberal attitude amongst singles include:

  • 87% of singles think online dating is a great way to meet people
  • Both men and women agree it is safer to meet someone through online dating than in a bar
  • 85% of singles say sex before marriage is acceptable
  • 91% of single Jews and 84% of single Christians would live with their partner before marriage
  • 78% of single Christians and 60% of single Jews would consider marrying someone with kids
  • A majority of singles say it doesn’t matter whether the man or woman is the breadwinner

However, the State of Dating in America study also reveals high value and importance placed on more traditional ideals:

  • 78% of men believe the man should pay on the first date, and 55% of women agree
  • 62% of 18 to 24-year-olds would be disappointed if they never got married
  • Both men and women say their mothers have the biggest influence on whom they marry
  • Nearly three-quarters of singles are looking for a partner who shares their religious faith

“Single adults make up an increasing portion of the American population. With the State of Dating in America survey, we wanted to get to the root of their views on relationships, sex, marriage and more,” said Greg Liberman, President and CEO of Spark Networks, which owns and operates both ChristianMingle and JDate. “The results provide unique insights into the minds of today’s singles as they navigate the ever-evolving dating and relationships landscape.”

Gender and religious breakdowns of the findings reveal compelling differences as well:

  • All women (100%) believe passionately kissing another is considered unfaithful; 86% of men agree
  • 82% of women believe texting or online flirting is cheating; just 56% of men agree
  • Christian singles prefer to meet for dinner on a first date, while Jewish singles like a cup of coffee
  • When it comes to the most attractive trait in the opposite sex, single Jews slightly prefer intelligence while single Christians had a slightly higher preference for a sense of humor

“The State of Dating in America report puts a microscope on what today’s singles really think and feel when it comes to dating,” says Rachel Sussman, Marriage and Family Therapist and Licensed Clinical Social Worker. “The results of the study are consistent with what I see day in and day out as I counsel singles and couples about the obstacles, issues and questions that arise while on the road to developing successful modern relationships.” Sussman has partnered with JDate and ChristianMingle to analyze the findings and provide her expert insights.

To view the full report of the State of Dating in America to see expert analysis of the results, please visit: www.stateofdatingreport.com

 

 

The results are in: people think she’s a nut job!

Remember the reader who was asking if he was a liar or overly sensitive? He would tell his wife something and she, in turn, would say he didn’t tell her. He asked for help and I asked the readers to weigh in. Read the original post in its entirety here: http://www.cristinarobinson.com/am-i-a-liar-or-simply-overly-sensitive/

I received the most responses through emails and twitters instead of Facebook. Here is the final result: 8% thought she may be having a medication that is making her forgetful but the other 92% thought she was a nut job and was “gaslighting” him.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory, perception, and sanity. The term “gaslighting” comes from the play Gas Light and its film adaptations in which a husband secretly dims the gas lights in the house and when his wife remarks on it, he claims that she is mistaken. This is done to convince the woman that she cannot trust her own judgment and so will not be believed if she tries to report other strange things that are genuinely occurring. The term is now also used in clinical and research literature.

Now, my answer to him: you knew her well before getting married. You acknowledged that she used to behave this way when you were dating and you still thought she was good enough to be your bride. You say you still love her; and if you still do, I don’t think divorcing her is the right thing to do. Not every marriage needs to end up in divorce. Some marriages are destructive and dangerous; but in your case, that doesn’t apply. I think your wife has a very bad and annoying behavior; but if everything about her is good, then there is a way that you can cut her bad behavior by modifying yours. You have no control over her behavior. However, you do have control over yours.

This is what you are going to do: instead of taking notes privately, you are going to do it in her face but “gently.” Buy one of those square calendars with pictures in it and put it in a place where you both can look at it every day. When having a conversation that you deem important, tell her that because “your” memory seems to be faulty, you will make a little note of your conversation.  By placing the blame on yourself, you’ll ensure that she won’t become defensive about it. When you’re out having an important conversation, mention that you better make a note of it so you won’t forget about it. It will be annoying in the beginning for you; but once she slips and says, “You didn’t tell me that,” you can gently tell her, “I need to check the calendar and see my notes. You may be right.” Then once you show her that she was the wrong one, she will start behaving better because she will know that she can no longer use that excuse.

It will take a few times, but she will correct her behavior. I know this for sure because I, myself, have used this technique with a friend that I loved and adored but didn’t want to lose the friendship. I know of others who have done it very successfully as well. It’s tiring in the beginning, but you will see results after a few times. Once the person sees that he/she is going to be called out, they will change their behaviors. Otherwise, they are going to be considered the nutty ones, and people don’t like to look bad in front of others who are supposed to love them. Now, if that’s the only complaint you have about your wife, then you’re lucky. There are worse things to worry about. It’s all about your level of tolerance; but I still think this is not something to get a divorce over. Good luck with that.

People’s personality don’t change once you marry them

*Lauren, in Hayes Valley, has been married for 9 years. When she first met her husband, they dated for a short period of time and then she got pregnant. They married; and after all these years, and three children, she says that his personality has changed and that has built up so much resentment to a point where she can’t stand him. She’s no longer feeling attracted to him since he put on some weight and that turns her off. Everything he does irritates her. When she talks to her girlfriends, they tell her that she should just get a divorce and  don’t “give” it to him, whether he liked it or not, since her husband still finds her very attractive otherwise just suck it up.

Answer: Lauren is very negative about her husband. One would think that she never loved him. Is that why she couldn’t wait to marry him? Was it so bad that throughout her marriage she managed to make three babies with this husband that she’s so negative about? Hmmm….. and now she says his personality has changed, too.

I hate to break it to you, Lauren, but people’s personalities don’t change once they wear “the dress” or the “cummerbund,” unless they have a brain injury, drugs, alcohol, or some kind of brain disease. People’s personalities just don’t change like that. I think it’s fair to say that you married someone a little too quickly and didn’t know him well; but it’s not fair to say that his personality changed.

If I were to take a wild guess, I would say that you probably have your sights on someone else or you are finding people outside your marriage pretty darn attractive. When things are not so hot at home, we tend to gravitate towards interests that look much more attractive than the slob we have at home. Also, your girlfriends’ attitudes suck. Instead of telling you that feeling the way you are is pretty normal and to focus on the big prize, they’re busy telling you how you have to not put up or suck it up.  You have adopted their negativity towards marriage by putting up with, pretending, and longing for what you don’t think you have and suffering about it.

The reality is that if you think you are the wonderful woman and the greatest partner that your husband thinks about, well, think again. It happens throughout any marriage: ups and downs. Sometimes life gets harder. Sometimes we get a little bored. Sometimes we get a bit frustrated with everything in general. We may even get resentful about things that have nothing to do with our partner, but we put it all on our partner because it’s easier. Then we think if only our partner were different, then we would be happy. Then we blame the other person’s personality, too. Not fair.

Instead of blaming your husband’s personality, make a mission to have a good marriage. Start thinking about the positive things that attracted you to him in the first place. Speak up about him to others in positive terms and do things as if you’re still in love with him. Find some older people who have good marriages and ask the women how they made their marriage work. You will be surprised to find out that every man and woman who has been married, or in a long-term relationship, have been through what you’re experiencing.

The way you’ll make it from one point to another is if you start behaving as though you love him with your next breath.  Bring back some of that same enthusiasm you felt when you first met him and you couldn’t think of being without him.  It may take a little while, but you will feel that way again because your actions will bring out your feelings. Good luck!

 

*Name has been changed to protect her privacy.

When your man tells you something important before marriage, believe him

*Angela, from San Carlos, has been married for over 5 years to a man she met when she was in high school and then reconnected with 24 years later. After a whirlwind romance, and three months after the day they reconnected, they were married.

She has twin girls from a previous boyfriend, and just three months after she married the girls left for college. Things were great in the beginning of the relationship; but as soon as the twins left home her husband, who drank a bit before and during their marriage, started drinking a whole lot more. For the past 1-½ years his drinking has become progressively worse. When he’s drunk he can become abusive towards her; but when he’s around her family, he can hide his drunken ways very well. Otherwise all he does when he’s home is drink, and the weekends are worse.

She’s tired of his drunken ways. She gets upset when he drinks to a stupor or drinks so much that he forgets what he told her the night (or the day) before. She’s constantly upset and has tried to help him overcome his alcoholic ways by telling him to go get help, go to rehab, or do something about it. He refuses. She feels that he lied to her even though before the marriage he told her all the time that he had a drinking problem; but she didn’t believe him. She thought he was kidding. She feels duped, deceived, and lied to. She’s Christian and she’s struggling about leaving or not because she believes marriage is sacred.

Answer: I asked Angela if she had been serious when she wrote me that he told her several times that he was a drunk. Yes, she was serious. He did tell her several times that he had a drinking problem and that, yes, he was an alcoholic.

Angela cannot plead ignorance on this one because, after all, he did not lie to her. What some alcoholics do best besides drinking is to lie; but he didn’t. We cannot blame that one on him because had he not disclosed that he was a drunk, he would have entered fraudulently into this marriage contract and then Angela would have been unable to make an informed decision about marrying him not knowing that he was an alcoholic. Therefore, upon finding that he was a drunk, she could have rescinded the contract; but there was no lie. He told her the truth and she chose not to believe him.

Moving on now: you knew he was a drunk, Angela. You tried to help him. You told him to go to rehab and he didn’t want to do it. Also, I didn’t know you were supposed to take abuse just because you’re Christian. You can use this excuse of being a Christian to avoid making a hard decision if you wish but all I know is that we can all interpret the Bible 1000 ways from Sunday, and why are you going to stick around for more abuse is beyond my comprehension. I don’t have a direct ear to God; but if I did, I don’t think that’s what He would want. Isn’t HE supposed to be a “loving Father”?  Why would he want you to be abused? Makes no sense to me.

Since you already tried to help him, and you’re going nowhere fast or slow, I think you have done more than your part in trying to make a positive change. You can’t help someone who refuses help; besides, it’s his responsibility to get help, not yours.  I believe if you continue in this marriage, your twin girls will find out sooner or later and then you will lose their respect. You don’t want your girls to think that it’s ok to stay in an abusive situation or look down on you because you’re unwilling to make the right decision for your life and I don’t think, staying with a mean drunk, who’s abusive is the right situation to be in it.  How much more time are you going to waste in this bad marriage? I think you should admit that you made a mistake marrying this guy within three months of knowing him and call it a day. Stop the abuse. Next time, don’t marry someone you just dated for three months and when men tell you something this serious, please believe them.

 

*Name has been changed to protect the reader’s privacy

Newly married wife doesn’t want to put out

*Jack, from Russian Hill, said that he dated his wife for one year before getting married and she used to be a great lover right before marriage. They have been married for about one and a half years now; but for the past 11 months sex has been rare and far in between. Every time he wants to get “close” to her, it turns into a begging session. When she finally concedes, she just lays there as if she’s doing him a favor. Jack wants to know what he can tell her that will help her go back to the way she used to be in bed and add a little more frequency than once a month. He said he loves her and doesn’t want to say anything that may hurt her feelings.

Answer: Jack “ma man”, since you don’t want to hurt her feelings, then, please don’t say anything and stay in your quasi-almost-non-existent, pseudo intimacy kind of marriage. Make sure not to complain about it either. Let HER continuing hurting YOUR feelings since you don’t want to hurt hers.

Now, if one day you decide to have the courage to face the problem in your marriage, then by all means, open your mouth and talk frankly with her and tell her that you didn’t marry her, or anybody, so you could live like that. Explain to her that having reasonable sex, wanting to make love to your spouse, is part of the marriage vows you two took; and any MAN or WOMAN who doesn’t fulfill that part is neglecting his/her part unless a health problem is present.

Spouses who sexually neglect their partners then come up with the “oh, you hurt my feelings” card when the other partner brings it up, are being manipulative and a bad spouse. When you talk to your wife about this and she brings this card up, do not allow yourself to be manipulated like that. Face it and talk about the situation until you bring a resolution to it.

If your situation doesn’t improve, then you have a decision to make. You didn’t mention kids, so I’m going to assume there are none and since you’re childless, the decision should not be that hard. One thing though, if your love for her is greater than your need to have sex, then welcome to monk-hood, because that’s where you’ll be heading. If the sex is almost non-existent now, I’ll give you one to two years before it stops altogether; but at least you will not have hurt her feelings. Hope you got my sarcasm.