Married for 60 years, together until the very end!

Video - 1Back when men were chivalrous, he fell in love with her and told her parents he would love to take care of her for the rest of his life and that’s what he did. Bring on the water works. What a beautiful and touching story.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEwV1ShlAyI

 

It’s never too late to fall in love!

I think Ms. Waitt article is cute, so I asked permission to share. So here it is.

By Cynthia Waitt

Love is fabulous at any age, but being an older bride last year at 54, who had been at the altar twice before, did present some challenges. As I successfully worked through those challenges, I’ll lay out a few ground rules for the older bride or even the older groom. See if these don’t make some sense…

1. SAY YES TO THE DRESS — This is important. It’s your day, even if it’s not your first day, or second. You don’t want to say “bride” too loudly, but you want something that makes you feel beautiful. I spent so much time going back and forth on whether to order the gold mid-length strapless dress I loved that my 29-year-old son took my credit card, filled out the form and pressed the send button.

I still wasn’t sure it was right and I was worried about the “strapless” part of this perfect dress, although now, having spent more than I could afford, I was stuck. Then something strange happened on plane back from New York the day our film “Bully” opened in New York. I don’t usually hang out with major designers, but some of my family do, and two of them showed up that day on my brother’s plane. As I was sitting across from Naeem Khan himself and his beautiful wife, Ranjana, I decided to take the risk and show him the dress. He studied it and pronounced it fitting, as did his beautiful wife, who as I found out later, rocks strapless dresses all the time. The day of my brother’s wedding, (yes, the dress did appear twice that summer), Naeem actually approached me and said, “The dress looks fabulous on you, and you’ve accessorized it perfectly”. I decided I could now die a happy woman. So, find the right one and die a happy woman.

2. BE CREATIVE IN YOUR CHOICE OF OFFICIATES — This is also important. I’m a lapsed Episcopalian and I was married twice by the same priest. At the second one, he politely suggested that this be the last he perform. Fair enough. I was happy with the justice of the peace and two witnesses, but my mother, who thinks you aren’t really legal until a priest steps in, wondered if our priest (different guy this time) couldn’t just say a blessing. My husband is Jewish, not particularly religious, but he balked, and rightfully so. No priest, unless we had a rabbi too, he pronounced. As the rabbi was not available on the day chosen, and because it was starting to sound like “A Priest, A Rabbi and a duck go into a bar,” a judge it was and all was well. So, consider your options — in California, anyone can do it for $25, perhaps a ship captain, airline pilot? I do like the unusual best though. My personal favorite was a gay Wiccan wedding performed by a tarot reader wearing a vintage 1935 dress. That’s absolutely true, you couldn’t make that one up.

3. DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT A DOUBLE WEDDING — I bring this up because we had an unusual situation in our family, where my brother and I got both married within 3 weeks. Some poor unsuspecting person who knew that thought it might be a cute idea to do a double wedding. I pulled out my Blackberry, did a quick image search and showed her the other Waitt bride of 2011 — tall, blonde, stunning, 30’s and on the cover of Maxim magazine, and said, “Would you stand up next to this?”

4. CONTROL THE PICTURES — I really like my camera. It’s a good one, but it tends to be somewhat soft focus (a must for older humans being photographed). I considered a pro, particularly when “Bully” director Lee Hirsch told me he would be in town on the date of my wedding. But Lee likes to film up close and personal (watch his films) and I can’t hold up to that at my age. He does do a fine job of photoshopping, as he has done for me, just on his own. “C-Way, I photoshopped you in this one….”

Also, ban all other cameras. Don’t you hate those people who come loaded and ready, shoot really horrendous pictures of anything and anyone, and then post them on Facebook? You don’t want that kind of thing to live forever. Ban their cameras or better yet, ban them.

5. IF YOU ARE EVEN CONSIDERING SOME SORT OF COSMETIC PROCEDURE, REMEMBER….MODERATION IN ALL THINGS — You don’t want to look like what my brother calls “wind tunnel” ladies. Watch the botox! If you get too much, your eye droops. Mine did. That’s why I’m standing so far back in the pictures. Overlarge sunglasses could help with a botox overload. So again, control the photography and if you need extra help, Lee could do some photoshopping. However, now that he’s such a big shot, you couldn’t afford him. I couldn’t either.

6. HAVE IT THE WAY YOU WANT IT — Don’t let anyone tell you where to get married, how to get married, or who to marry. If you are consenting adults and old enough to know what you are doing, do it, and don’t worry about what the neighbors think. Remember, it’s about love, and because it’s about love, it’s not wrong. And, in love, like most things, it’s also never too late.

If your groom choked you on your wedding night, would you stay?

Here is a 3 page email in a nutshell: *Missy is a nurse at the local hospital where she met *Sam. They had a relationship for a total of 10 years. He drank, had sex with other women while with her, shoved her a few times, and called her names. Throughout their 4 year relationship they were on and off more times that she can remember. After the 4 years of courtship, she married him. He choked her on their wedding night. One warm night he shoved her out of the house naked and she had to hide behind the bushes in her yard so the neighbors wouldn’t see her. He finally let her back in after 10 minutes but she felt it was forever.  Between his affairs, she went on to have a little boy; and after the baby was 11 months old, he left her for another woman.  It has been 7 months since all this happened and now he’s asking for a divorce. She is very angry at him. She feels he ruined her life. She’s lost and doesn’t know what to do. She needs an unbiased opinion of what to do. Her last sentence on the email was “Life is not fair!”

Answer:  What can I say? You like drama. You’re a drama queen. You go out with a drunk who has affairs during your courtship, abuses you during four years, and then you think it’s a good idea to marry him. Then on your wedding night he chokes you. Instead of picking up your stuff, leaving as soon as he falls asleep, and going straight to the police to file a report, take pictures of your neck and slap him with a restraining order, YOU, the drama queen, stayed until the next morning to wake up, have sex again, and to enjoy brunch together.  Are you kidding me?

The biggest crime of all is that you brought an innocent child into your drama who is going to pay for the sins of his mother. And don’t blame your useless ex-husband for ruining your life. You did that. You’re the one who decided to date him. You’re the one who decided to stay when he was abusing you; having affairs. You’re the one who accepted his marriage proposal. It was all YOU. Nobody sold you into a marriage. YOU, with your own free will, designed how you wanted your life to be. You could have broken off the relationship with him when you discovered the first betrayal or the first shove, but you decided that he was a good bet. So, don’t blame anyone else but yourself.

The “life is not fair” doesn’t apply here. When stuff happens to us involuntarily (cancer, a horrific accident, loss of a loved one, etc) it’s one thing; but when we volunteer for stuff, “life is not fair” doesn’t apply. You volunteered for the way your life went and until you accept responsibility for the mistakes you made along the way, you will not be able to move forward and reach a healthy place.

Give this jerk a divorce and count yourself lucky that he’s finally getting rid of you because you are too weak to do it. Once the divorce is final, concentrate on your work and raising your child. Your child came into this world with a loss already, he won’t have a good Dad. So please put all your efforts into raising your child with the limited amount of time you have. Don’t date at all. You’re not good at choosing men and if your hospital has some kind of Counseling services, you would profit from getting some hard core counseling to help you become stronger and figure out why you think being used and abused is acceptable.

*for privacy reasons, names have been changed

Man and woman communicate differently … duh!!

*Gina in Lake Tahoe is frustrated with her fiancé because their style of communication is very different. He’s a wonderful, caring man who is always doing little things for her; taking care of whatever is necessary to make her life easier. He brings her little gifts, sometimes flowers, to brighten her day, he often massages her feet but he doesn’t say “I love you” enough for her liking. She understands that all of his actions show that he loves her even if he doesn’t say the words. She also would like him to be a little more talkative, because to get him to hold a lengthy conversation is like pulling teeth. She wants to know, can a couple live successfully and happily married with different styles of communication? Can she overcome the need for him to be more communicative?

Communication between a man and a woman is different- we can’t shut up and they can’t start up. All kidding aside, of course a couple like that can live happily together. Gina, you don’t have to overcome this need to change him; but if he’s as wonderful as you say he is, instead of overcoming it, you are going to simply accept it because that’s his personality and you have yours.

You are going to accept who he is and you will have a successful marriage, but the successful marriage will happen only if you don’t turn into a wench. Don’t say, “Of course I will accept him the way he is,” then marry him and start complaining, nagging, and criticizing that he doesn’t talk. Accepting means you will stop fighting and you will appreciate him for who he is. You said he will clean the snow off your car, will make sure the tires are in good condition and the gas tank is full. All to make sure you will have no trouble while driving in the snow. If you can’t accept that as “I love you,” you should not marry him because you are going to torture him with “oh, you don’t say you love me enough times in the day” or “why can’t you talk a little more?” and that’s not fair. You know how he is before marrying. Look at it as buying a dress “as is” and once bought, you can’t return it or make a complain to the shop because you bought it “as is”.

If you do decide to accept it, try to increase your chances of communicating better. For example, if there is a time when you want to know something specific, ask him a direct question and he will give you a direct and specific answer, “Marshall dear, can we visit my family again this weekend?” Don’t talk around or hope he’ll bring it up. Ask the question and return the favor by giving him an honest answer when he asks you something like, “Honey, what do you want for Valentines?” If you say, “Nothing,” and then he brings you nothing, don’t complain. It’s not that difficult to communicate with men in general, especially when they love us but we have to accept the differences. He sounds like a great guy and I know a few women who would love to have a man doing all these sweet things for them, especially massaging their feet. I hope you learn to appreciate the man you have instead of yearning for something that he’s not. Good luck!

STOP wasting time with Mr. Wrong!

*Genevieve from Corte Madera wrote to me to complain about her new fiancé. She has been dating her fiancé for four and a half years. He’s a very nice man, but throughout the years they have been on and off, on and off, and on and off too many times to count. Her major complaint/argument is that he is hyper focused on his job and on anything that he starts: his hobbies and new projects. That means, she is often feeling left out and angry for the lack of time spent together. She wants to know how can she cope and make him understand that she’s unhappy and would like to spend more time with him. By the way, he is toying with the idea of opening a restaurant.

Why a woman would waste her time with the wrong guy, I’ll never understand. This is a guy who is very focused in his activities and his job, to the extent that she is left out.  She doesn’t like it; and in almost five years, she hasn’t figured out that he’s not for her.

*Genevieve, you’re the kind of woman who is going to marry this guy, then beat him up for what he is for the rest of your married lives. Then one day he’ll wake up sick and tired from taking your lumps and he’ll end up leaving the marriage and the couple of kids you two had together.

Why would you spend one more day with this gentleman when you clearly know that you don’t like his lifestyle? That’s not what you want. You said he’s a nice man and I believe you; but this has nothing to do with him being nice or bad, it has to do with personality. You also said he wants to open a restaurant and if he doesn’t have time for you now, he will have even less after that. He seems to be the type of man, who is very focused on his activities, who likes to do things independently from anyone else, who needs a woman who is also independent, has her own life, likes to do things on her own and who is not going to be ticked off when he goes off to do his own things. He’s a nice guy, but not for you. Leave him alone.

It’s neither nice nor fair that you are with him and spend your time fighting and arguing about the time that he doesn’t spend with you. I’m sure you have had numerous conversations about this and nothing has changed; otherwise, you would not be writing to me. So, I think it’s time to cut your losses and let him go. He may be great; but nor for you. He’s great for someone else; and if you persist and marry him, his lifestyle will turn you into a sour witch whose expertise will be in complaining about everything. I know, and I believe you know too, that your situation won’t last. I’m counting on you to stop wasting your time and go look for the man who will enjoy spending more time in your company than with his job and hobbies. Good luck!

*names have changed to protect her identity

Man don’t marry vaginas, they marry virtue and values.

Last week a long time friend came to visit me. She was a little sad; told me her dates were not going well. She was trying not to go back to the “virtual” world of dating, but three weeks ago decided to go back and re-join two Internet dating sites.

Apparently, the Internet dates she was getting weren’t working either. She told me that the men she’d been meeting for dates from the Internet websites were just as bad (if not worse) than the men she was meeting in “real” life. They would go on a date for a cup of coffee, sometimes dinner, and the conversation would be very superficial, often leading to “Do you want to come to my place?” or “I have a hot tub, do you want to come over for a little while?” or “Can I come to your place?” Basically, the men would make their intentions known that the expectation was that they’d be going to bed together.

She has liked some of these men and has tried to tell them that she would like to know them better; but she never hears from them, again, once she doesn’t put out. When she puts out, it may last three or four more dates and then she never hears from them again.  She asked me what I thought she’d been doing wrong. She’s upset and wants to get married and make a family; but if things keep going at this rate, she’s not going to have what she wants. She’s starting to think that all men are bad and all they want is to take advantage of women.

I have a different take on this. First of all, I don’t think we should blame the men because it is the sisterhood that is doing that. If women everywhere held themselves at a higher standard and told men where they could go if all they wanted was a good roll in the hay, this wouldn’t happen. But the point I’m making is that some women also like some roll in the hay and then they want the guy to disappear out of their faces afterward as well. I know because I heard a few women say, “So what? I’m horny and I just want to get off with no strings attached.” The problem comes when that same guy gets used to having all those “nookies” for nothing. He starts to think that he can have that with every woman he meets. That’s the kind of men my friend has been going out with.

If all a woman wants is to get off, it’s her prerogative and she has that right. Her body, her choice, her life, let’s keep our tongues out of it (no pun intended) but for all the women who are not into just “getting off,” but who want a committed relationship, it would be in their best interest to open their mouth and say to the men: “I’m looking for a committed, future marital relationship. That doesn’t mean I want to marry YOU. I just wanted to let you know that I’m not dating to hook up and if all you’re interested in is a good hook up, just wait until I’m done with my coffee, you pay the bill and we’ll part ways as friends. That doesn’t make me or you bad, it simply makes us not a match.” That’s it. Very simple.

This is what I told my friend; and I believe, if she makes that very clear, a man who is interested in the same thing as her, he will see her as a prize. He’ll see her as a lady who values herself and someone worth pursuing. Consequently, he’ll cherish her as well. I also had to remind my friend that men don’t marry vaginas. Vaginas are just to play with. Men, who are neither immature nor childish, who want to cherish their women, their future wives and the future mother of their children, marry virtue and values; not vaginas. They love it, but it’s just a special and sweet part that comes with the territory. As the years go by, his “equipment” won’t be working as well as it used to, thus marrying or being with a woman who shares the same values and dreams in life becomes a whole lot more important than vaginas. Some of my readers may not agree with me, but I have heard this time and again from men I’ve spoken with.

By the way, this same friend, three years ago, upon learning of my dateless status, asked me “How do you do it? Don’t you ever feel lonely? Don’t you feel horny?”. Loneliness, it’s a volunteer state and if you fill your life with other things, you won’t have too much time to think of being lonely because you won’t be lonely. Horny? So what? Remember ladies, there are wonderful, small – either battery operated or electrical appliances for that. It will always take you to your final destination within a few minutes if not seconds and best of all, it won’t break your heart or make you feel bad about yourself. Meanwhile you can continue dating and assessing the men you’re going out with if they are worthy of your precious time. The fact that you’re not letting them visit your “private garden”, it will be much easier to move on to the next date if you deem the present suitor not a strong contender for the job.