Bring back JUDGE! SHAME! and SHUN!

Since Woody Allen’s daughter Dylan has written an open letter to The New York Times confirming that he did assault her at age 7, I thought it would be appropriate to rerun this column I wrote back in 2012. That’s how evil continues to be perpetrated, because people don’t stand up for what’s right. In order to understand what I’m trying to say, it’s helpful if this blog post is read in its entirety and not just in parts.


Bring back JUDGE! SHAME! and SHUN!

That’s correct, you read it right. I said it!! Last week, an acquaintance called to ask if I would be willing to meet at the last minute with five of her friends to give them a lecture about dating relationships. I agreed and we met at one of her friends’ apartments in Emeryville.

I worked for three hours, and at the end we all decided to go to the theatre and watch a movie. On the way there, they changed their minds and decided that they wanted to watch a different film than what we had originally agreed on: Woody Allen’s To Rome, With Love. I didn’t want to pay to see a film made by a child molester no matter how good it was supposed to be. I told them I would pass and told them the reason why I would opt out of this one. That’s when things turned ugly. Three of them immediately jumped on me and told me to stop being so judgmental—who was I to judge? They told me not to be a hater and learn to love everybody.

Who was I to judge? Love everybody? If I didn’t know better, I would think these women were on crack. I’m not a hater. I’m quite sweet to the people I love and like; but this guy is a pedophile who betrayed his woman and the mother of his children in the most despicable way. Mia Farrow discovered Woody’s affair with her daughter when she found nude pictures taken by him, of her then teenage daughter, with whom he had a paternal relationship. Shame on him!  His excuse to prey on a teenage girl 35 years younger than him was, “the heart wants what it wants”. What a scumbag. I will not pay to watch his films EVER, I wouldn’t give him the sweat off my balls, if I had any. I have a daughter, and it simply enrages me to think that someone could have done that to her when she was a teenager.

When people excuse this behavior, it makes them just as culpable, because they are too spineless to say anything about it under the guise of “being nice.” They are not “being nice,” they are being weak for not standing up for what’s right.

In my view, this is what’s wrong with the American society today. People don’t use their brains. Instead, they use this “you have to love everybody,” “who are you to judge” horse manure. We make judgments everyday on whom we become friends with, which would be the better job for us, what kind of men we date, what risks to take or not to take, etc. When society behaves in an “everything-goes-don’t judge” or “let-everybody-do-their-own-thing” even if it’s evil, it crumbles. If we don’t make judgments, that’s when the young, the weak, and the vulnerable suffer; I believe all of us as a society have an obligation to protect each other; and by not using our judgment, we are failing each other miserably.

Let me be clear about one thing though: I am not talking about judging someone based on a lifestyle choice that hurts no one else. I’m not talking about judging someone who is gay, bisexual, or transgender. They don’t judge me because I’m straight, so why would I judge them because they’re not? I’m not talking about people who sleep around. I’m not talking about a prostitute or escort who sell his or her goods to any John or Jane who’s willing to buy. It’s their bodies; and as far as I’m concerned, they should be able to use it, offer it, sell it, enjoy it, and basically do whatever they want with it. That’s nobody’s business but their own. I’m not talking about people’s personal decisions about their lives, that’s between them and their God, if they have one.

I believe in judging, shaming, and shunning deserving people who do society wrong; people who take advantage of the weak and vulnerable. Especially kids. Am I not supposed to judge my former friend who was dating a man with two children and a pregnant wife? We all knew she was wasting her time with a married man (but that was her time and her problem); but the epitome of cruelty was when she told me that after having an affair with this man for one year, she decided that she was in love with him and was going to let the wife know in order to force his hand and make him leave his wife. I asked her not to do that because it would destroy the wife and his children’s lives. My former friend called me later from Kentucky to tell me that after she told the wife about her husband’s affair, her lover’s wife had given birth prematurely that same evening; and later on, upon returning home and leaving the baby in the hospital, she killed herself. She said she was sorry.


I shamed her and I shunned her. I don’t want to be friends with someone who caused the misery of another human being. And I told her that, too. She said I lacked compassion. That’s right. I lacked compassion for HER. My compassion lied with the children who were left motherless and not with this woman who, for selfish reasons, did what she did because she wanted a man who was not even worth having.

Now, are we not supposed to JUDGE Roman Polanski, who drugged and gave alcohol to a 13-year-old CHILD so he could rape and sodomize her? A vulnerable child! Some Hollywood types said “it was in the past,” “he’s a brilliant director”. SHAME on these people who didn’t judge him and conveniently forgot that he hurt a child just because “he is a brilliant director” and that is supposed to trump being a decent human being? Not in my eyes. He wasn’t even man enough to stay and face the consequences. He fled like the rat that he is. I wonder how would he react if the same thing happened to the young daughter he has now.

Are we not supposed to JUDGE the Texan mother who left her 6-week-old baby in the car to fry his brains out? She was on her way out of the house and was supposed to drop the baby off at the day care center. A business call distracted her and she drove straight to work, got her briefcase out of the car and her BLACKBERRY, but didn’t realize the baby was still strapped to the car seat. Really? That’s how important her human baby was to her. In one of the hottest day in Dallas, she left her baby there to fry his tiny little brain – painfully and slowly. When it hit the newspapers, some people were saying that she should not go to jail because she was suffering enough already and that we should not judge her, but have compassion. That word again: compassion. How? Please, someone, explain how she was suffering. Compassion? I think that baby whose little brain fried very slowly and painfully in the car suffered a whole lot more; and he, the victim, is the one deserving of compassion here. Compassion for her is totally misplaced. How do you forget a human being (that came out of your body) in the car? She should go to jail and pay for what she’s done.

If we are supposed to love everybody and not judge anybody when they do wrong, then there are no lines drawn for what’s wrong or right; therefore we can’t judge Hitler – who ordered the genocide of millions. We can’t judge Ted Bundy – a necrophile- who killed, tortured, and raped more than 30 women and girls. We can’t judge the Menendez brothers  – who both killed their parents in order to get to their money faster. Talk about having a sense of entitlement! Both brothers found killer groupies with no judgment whatsoever; who thought it was a great idea to marry convicted murderers while they were in prison and would never get out. Lucky brides! At least they won’t have to worry about being asleep and be awaken with the barrel of a shot gun closer to their nose, like the fate their husbands’ parents suffered.

We can’t judge Jerry Sandusky either – a pedophile and convicted child rapist – who was protected by people who had a vested interest in maintaining the status quo. They didn’t want to judge him and thought it was a good idea to just “chat” about it with him. Their good idea hurt many children who will be adults, scarred for life. Lastly, let’s not judge Ricardo “Richard” Ramirez – the night stalker/serial killer, who terrorized, assaulted, beat, maimed, and robbed several people in California. Before his trial, a serial killer groupie, who has no judgment whatsoever, started writing dozens of letters to Ramirez; and in 1996 she happily married him in San Quentin prison. This groupie believed Ramirez is innocent of all the crimes he had been convicted of and has vowed that the day her husband is executed, she’ll commit suicide. Peachy!!

I have a daughter and I’m no longer a fan of Woody Allen. If I ever saw him, I would spit on his shoe. I would look at him with total and utter disgust. I also have a son, and if a Sandusky-type damaged my boy like Sandusky did to those young boys, I would have loved to be able to pull his fingernails off with pliers… one by one.

So, to all the bleeding hearts out there, who think nobody should be judged, please save it. Don’t tell me not to judge. I will. Not everybody is nice; and when I see that people have done evil, as a person who has a conscience, I will not be embarrassed or ashamed to judge, shame, and shun.

When, if ever, should a former stripper tell her boyfriend about her past?

*Rhonda in San José, was a stripper for nine years. That’s how she funded her education and made some extra money afterward. Today she works in marketing and hasn’t stripped for the past six. She wants to know when, or if, she should ever tell the man she’s dating, that she used to strip. Her experience has been that she goes on a date, then by the third date she tells them, then they disappear or tell her they’re no longer interested. Her company is moving her to another state and she is contemplating never telling about it.

Answer: I think this is a private part of your life that you should keep to yourself. BUT if you ever meet someone that you’re dating for a while (you know that he’s serious about you, both of you are in love, you see that the relationship is going somewhere) then by all means, tell him.

This world has become too small, and information like this needs to be shared at some point because it can come back to visit you. If the person you are with doesn’t know and finds out, then it can become something bigger than it is because he may feel duped or embarrassed. Whatever his feelings are, he may think that a fraud was perpetrated on him and that may be the end of things.

Don’t make a big deal out of it. It’s not as if you are a married woman having an affair with him or hiding a criminal past. This is just stripping. There’s no reason to carry the letter “S” on your chest. Simply tell him that you did it in order to fund your education and once you found a better job, you stopped. Period. If he asks why you didn’t tell him in the beginning, you tell him that is a private matter and is only to be shared with the man who is serious about you and not just anyone you started dating.

*for privacy purposes, name was changed

Women who are ball busters.

*Clark, from Alameda, was married for 10 years then got divorced. He spent the last 11 years raising his three daughters – two biological and one from a 10 year relationship he had with a woman after his divorce. All three girls were about the same age at the time (between 9 and 11 years old) when he met his girlfriend.

Twelve years later he met his new wife and he has been married to her for the past 4 1/2 years. To this date he maintains a relationship with the third daughter, today a young woman, since he is a father figure to her and his two daughters consider her like “family.” They all get together for birthdays and Christmas to exchange gifts. His intimidating, angry, and manipulative wife throws a fit every time he talks about this relationship or when he goes out to meet with her and his two other daughters.

Last night, when he came home after meeting the three young women, his wife flew into a rage. He told her he doesn’t want to get rid of the girl because she is like his family. At this, the wife replied that if she ever divorced him, his relationship with her two teenage boys, which he has been raising, will be terminated. Apparently, she told him that she asked 20 of her friends and they all agreed with her on this. He wrote me to ask what he can tell his wife to make her accept that he loves this young woman like his other biological daughters.

My answer:

Oh boy, it seems you chose poorly. You married an unreasonable and territorial BITCH. A loving woman has an open heart, especially where children are concerned; whereas your wife is willing to hurt her boys’ relationship with you simply because she can. So what if twenty of her wacky friends agree with her? (If she’s to be believed.) The fact that twenty people walk in locked step doesn’t mean they’re right.

You need to call a meeting to order. Then look her in the eyes and tell her: “if you continue with the whining and complaining about this, our relationship is not going to continue. I have been a father figure to her. This relationship is important to me and my daughters; and if you can’t embrace that, then I made a mistake marrying you.” If she decides to throw in the towel, then so be it. But you do have a choice and I bet this is not the first time your woman has muscled you into doing something unreasonable. Women like that have a pattern.

I wonder what the problem is that you could not find a soft, warm, sweet, gentle, and feminine woman. I am sure there are tons of them reading this right now and wondering, what the hell is wrong with you that you chose such a bitch.

I will never understand why some men marry women who are such ball busters. They don’t add joy and happiness to one’s lives because they’re too busy busting their men’s balls all the time.


*Name changed to protect his privacy

Why women want bad boys – now explained by science

Perusing the net I stumbled upon this article. Interesting read. As read in the MSN The Heart Beat

Science Explains Why Women Want Bad Boys

Researchers seek to explain why women sometimes prefer rebellious renegades over dependable dudes
Ever since James Dean put on that red jacket and held a switchblade to Buzz’s neck, women have had a thing for bad boys. No—even before that. In the cold confines of a lonely cave, some Homo erectus was probably kicking back in his motorcycle boots, brooding over the light ….   continue reading at MSN Living – The Heart Beat

Is this you?

This is one of the topics I have written in my book and it’s not only in marriage that this behavior happens but in new relationships as well. Many women I know, as soon as they start a new relationship, they disappear, they no longer get together with their girlfriends, they start doing what their guy of the moment wants and they don’t even notice that they are doing that. When their romantic relationship ends, then they come back to try to get the friendship they abandoned, started again. Some friends do get annoyed by this behavior.

Why Do Women Lose Themselves In Marriage?

Perhaps Eckhart Tolle said it best: “When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world.”

And when it comes to losing touch with themselves, women seem to do that best, especially when it comes to relationships. (Although, true, Jesse James believes he lost himself while being married to “some Hollywood actress,” aka Sandra Bullock, but he appears to be a lone male voice.) That’s what I did; in one of my first Huffington Post blog posts I talked about how I had “given upparts of myself” in my marriage. But, why? It certainly was never asked or expected of me. No one told me to stop doing many of the things I enjoyed, but I did anyway.

Sadly, I’m not alone. There are literally dozens

continue reading more ………|main5|dl23|sec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D150419

I am writing a book!!!

My dearest Readers

Apologies for being silent but I have been busy writing a book. Yes, a book. I am aiming to be done soon. I will post a blog once in a while until I am done with my book. Meanwhile, take care of yourselves and I should be posting little bits and pieces of my upcoming book here.

Being in a relationship is not always fun

There is this certain actress who I used to admire because she was a fierce advocate for children with special needs. But once she started saying that her son had been cured of Autism and that vaccines give children Autism, she lost her credibility with me. I knew I no longer could listen to her, especially because I, myself, have a child that is under the umbrella of Autism. I, also, am around families with children who have high functioning Autism. I learned that we don’t need to look much farther to know where our children inherited their autism from. That said, last night I was at a friend’s home and there was this actress, again, on the TV screen. This time she was talking about her relationships and when the host asked her when “she knew,” it was time to pull the plug on her while-ago marriage. Her priceless answer was, “When it wasn’t fun anymore!”

Fun? Since when are relationships always fun? On the contrary, real life happens and it’s not fun all the time. My aunt (who was married for 44 years before my uncle passed) always told us growing up that marriage wasn’t always fun. It was hard work. Every once in a while, it is fun when your hard work pays off and you get a moment of great satisfaction. That’s rewarding and worthwhile. You choose to make your life as joyful as possible to those around you and yourself. Sometimes that is a lot of work and not always fun; but those are the things that bind us together and make humans capable of making a difference in this world.

It is a great disservice to men and women to tell them if they are not having fun anymore, it’s the sign that the relationship is over. It’s downright disheartening that many people might listen to that selfish, self-serving advice. I believe it’s definitely not true. I have been married before and I would have rather had joy, fulfillment and purpose in my life than “fun” any day of the week.

Let’s uplift our thoughts each day from selfishness, and may that inspire us in directing our thoughts to happily serving our spouses, children, family and friends; not to fun.