Why won’t he call or text me?

I decided to tackle a subject that I hear more often than I care for: a woman starts dating a guy, and they see each other perhaps twice a week, but then, whatever the circumstances may be, he’ll do a Houdini act (disappears) until the next week when they’ll see each other again. While he’s pulling a Houdini on her, of course, there are no phone calls, no texts, and no answers to her voice messages or texts either.

This past weekend I attended two different events and heard the same scenario from not one, not two, but six different women! I told them that if they were not happy with the frequency or lack of phone calls, they should tell their other halves. Their replies were very predictable: “I did that”.

I told them what it seemed obvious to me: “then leave and start dating somewhere else, stop wasting your valuable time.”

However, predictably enough, their answer to me was: “but he’s so nice, so sweet, so kind, perhaps he’s just not that kind of guy who talks on the phone.” Or my favorite “he works very hard.” There they were, making excuses for their Houdinis. When people say, “he’s not that kind of a guy …,” what kind of crappy excuse is that?  Working hard? So what — we all do that. Sweet, kind…? That’s nice, but if he’s not giving you what you need, why stay?

Sometimes some of us women are very good at making excuses for a guy’s poor behavior and/or total disregard for our feelings. Some of us, when we like a guy, want to make it work so badly that we are willing to turn a blind eye to his shortcomings, so that we don’t have to get rid of him.

When we start dating someone, we need to be very critical about who we choose to share our lives with. If there is something that is not working in the beginning of the relationship and upon communicating that to said person, nothing changes; it isn’t going to get better. The person is either not THAT interested or simply doesn’t care.

Men, take notice: the women you are seeing need to hear from you. Don’t see us one day then ignore us the next three. If we text you or called you, have the decency to return our calls or respond to our texts. Ladies, when you complain about his not responding to calls/texts and in the same breath defend him by saying that he’s “really a nice guy or perhaps he’s not that kind of guy ….”, ask yourself why you’re excusing bad behavior. Sorry, being desperate or lonely is not a good excuse.

When you’re getting to know someone and you ask for something that is important to you or maybe you make a simple request that would mean a lot to you, when he ignores it, you need to see reality and stop making excuses for him. In this life you do what is required. You do what is morally correct. You do what is thoughtful. You do what is respectful. You do something small if it means something big for the person you’re getting to know. And if you are going to continue seeing a guy who is not going to be obligated to do things just because “he is not that kind of a guy …” you are going to have a tough time in life with him.

It doesn’t take that much time to call and ask someone how they’re doing, or texting “hope you’re having a great day”. Heck, you can even do it while going to the bathroom or on your way to the car—it takes a few seconds. Therefore, be wise in your choice of a life partner. Choose someone who is kind, concerned, and will put himself out to be gracious and attentive to you.

Men remember: a one minute phone call is not a hardship and can make your woman so much warmer, fuzzy, accepting and amorous towards you.


  1. Pretty insightful. Thanks!

  2. Thank you so much for this arltice, it saved me time!

  3. You are so right! I was in the above scenario and I did the right thing following your advice. He is not interested. That’s the only truth! We just have to have the ability to accept it.

  4. Thanks again! I hope this can be shared with all the women out there. You totally saved my time and my heart from getting more damaged!

  5. Cheri Hart says:

    Very well put. I told him how it made me feel.. he didnt change.. told him again..he changed for a bit..then back to his same old self.. with all we do as women.. I think we deserve some effort. we shave, we cook, we clean, we light candles, we text sweet nothings.. wtf? dont have time!?

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