Younger man worrying about age difference!

*Worried About Her Age, in Fremont, is 26 and still in Med school. He has been with his girlfriend for 3 years. She’s 37 years old and will be finishing her PhD program in the next 2 ½ years. She has a 9 year old little boy from a previous relationship but they both agreed that they weren’t ready to have another child for at least another 4 ½ years. His concern is that, even though he loves and adores her little boy, he would like to have his own family someday. He’d like to spend the rest of his life with her but is very concerned with the age difference because she may not have the ability to conceive when the time comes. This is something that is in his mind and he can’t shake it off. He finished his letter by saying that they have talked about this a lot and now have let their faith in God take over. They trust that everything will be OK, but would like to know if I have any other suggestions.

Answer: WAHA, first of all, I admire that you have so much faith and you believe God will take care of everything …. well, not really. God is pretty busy with lots of people to take care of and that’s why God gave you this grey matter called brain; so you would have the ability to make conscious choices and tough decisions. To leave it up to Faith sounds wonderful and noble, but it doesn’t always work, in my opinion. Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that one of your patients comes to you with a toe that appears to have gangrene, I’m sure you are not going to tell that patient to wait and let Faith take over to see what happens. You will amputate that toe as fast as you can before it takes over the entire leg. The same thing here, you will have to use your brain and make a tough decision.

I believe you have two choices:

1 – If you truly love her, and want to spend the rest of your life with her, you will have to take the risk that it may be harder for her to conceive as she is over 35. There may be problems once she does conceive because once a woman is over 35 years of age, it’s considered a high risk pregnancy. You may have to go through infertility treatment and you may have your offspring or not. If you end up not being able to have your own child, then you will have to be content, happy, and satisfied raising her child or even adopting other child/ren. It’s a risk you will have to gladly assume because that’s the price of admission you are willing to pay to have her in your life.

2 – Now, if after careful consideration you decide you don’t want to marry her, then you have to be honorable and let her go. Don’t waste her time. Break up with her so she can move on with her own life.

Also, while you’re struggling through med school is not a wise time to be thinking about relationships, anyway. You’re not in a position to date anybody, even a younger woman, while in med school. You’re too busy and you need to focus. The rate of divorce for couples where the man goes to whatever school while the wife supports him, is pretty high.

Whatever you decide about your situation, please be responsible and remember that we take risks in life; and when we take risks, we don’t blame others for the choices we make. Good luck!

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