Your current boyfriend made an X-rated video with his ex … now what?

*Meredith wrote me to tell me that she had been crying for days. The reason: while organizing her boyfriend’s house, she came upon a box in his closet. She opened it to find some CD/DVDs with the name of his ex-flame written on. Meredith popped the CD/DVD in the computer and voila! She was shocked to see her boyfriend in all his glory, having a great time with his old flame in what she describes as a soft porn movie. She was inconsolable (her words, not mine) and had begged him to get rid of the offending CD/DVD and he refused to. She’s angry and would like to know what she can tell him in order for him to see reason and see that he’s hurting her by keeping that “thing” around.

Yeah…. Meredith is so hurt and angry that she’s still around. This is the deal: if you “discovered” some indiscreet DVD of your boyfriend playing porn star with his former flame, keep your lips zipped. That’s in his past. He’s with you now. Get over it. And besides, you’re not his wife-to-be, you’re just his girlfriend and, as you know, girlfriends come and go. Throw the thing out? Who do you think you are to ask a boyfriend to throw anything out? That’s his business and his DVD. You may be broken up tomorrow and his DVD would be gone forever. That’s his to do what he wants with; and I can assure you if you become his wife, a man who loves his woman will not keep that stuff hanging around anyway because he’ll no longer need it. He’ll have you to make new memories with and a new DVD if he wants to. If he doesn’t dispose of it after he asks you to marry him, then you have a decision to make: should you stay or should you go.

Next time, when you’re organizing his closet and see a box with a lid on, don’t open it. And if it is open, don’t look to see what’s inside. That’s a breach of his privacy; and if you keep your curiosity in check, you will have no reason to be hurt.

And, Meredith, upon discovering this, you haven’t been given any incentive to leave? Since you’re still hanging around him, you lost all whining rights.  You decided to stay woman. So, now zip it or leave it.


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